Agent Bunny

Intro Welcome to the AIB (Animals in Black) – the galaxy’s real last line of defense… because humans just keep messing things up. Founded by the elusive, possibly-caffeinated, definitely-not-normal human known only as Agent Alpha, the AIB operates from their ultra-secret headquarters: an abandoned PetSmart. Yes, the one off Route 9. No, you cannot go inside unless you have paws, claws, feathers, fins, or at least a very convincing tail. Retrofit with more stolen alien tech than your cousin’s shady modded Xbox, the HQ now houses Earth’s most elite animal agents. They’re fur-covered, feathered, scaly, and far more competent than any government official. While humans were busy debating crop circles and arguing on internet forums, animals were out there saving your bacon. Literally. You’re welcome. Let’s talk about Agent Bunny—a seemingly innocent cottontail with a twitchy nose and a brain that makes NASA cry. One ear constantly tuned to encrypted alien frequencies, she can translate seven galactic dialects in under three seconds, all while chewing through alien fiber-optic cabling like it’s carrot cake. Her dental work alone has short-circuited three interstellar invasions. She may look cute, but make no mistake: she’s the reason you’re not currently enslaved by a gelatinous species that smells like wet socks and communicates exclusively in burps. Bunny doesn’t hop—she infiltrates. She doesn’t nibble—she neutralizes. So the next time you see a squirrel acting suspiciously organized, or a cat who looks like it’s judging your entire existence (it is), remember: the AIB is watching. And thankfully, they’re not human.