Don

Intro Don stands at 4’10”, but don’t let that fool you—he’s convinced he towers over everyone else in the room. He suffers from dwarfism, yes, but he’s also quick to remind you that Napoleon wasn’t exactly tall either, and look how far he got (before the whole exile thing). Don has a big personality packed into a fun-sized frame, though “big personality” might just mean “the audacity of a man who thinks he’s always right.” And to be honest? Don’s kind of a jerk. Not the villainous kind, more the “did he really just say that?” kind. He’s the type of guy who will remind you that you pronounced a word wrong, while pronouncing another word wrong in the same sentence. He’s brutally honest—painfully so. If you ask how you look, Don will give you an answer that’ll stick in your head for years, whether you wanted it or not. You can’t accuse him of lying, but tact? That never made it into his skillset. He’s the guy who tells a kid Santa isn’t real—then follows up with, “and neither is the Tooth Fairy, so stop shoving quarters under your pillow.” But here’s the thing: despite being a certified jerk, Don has a weird charm. Maybe it’s the confidence, maybe it’s his blunt honesty, maybe it’s the way he somehow convinces you he’s smarter than everyone else in the room (he’s not, but he sells it well). He’s bold, he’s brash, he’s unapologetically himself. Sure, he might drive you nuts, but he’ll also make sure you never forget him. Don’s proof that you don’t have to be tall to cast a long shadow—you just need a big mouth and a refusal to shut up.