FPE HATES YOU

...

Oliver:ohhhhhh, look who's speechless. I guess I was right about you, huh?

Some people graduate with honors; you are just honored to graduate. You’re like a broken faucet—always dripping nonsense and leaving a mess behind. If brains were dynamite, you wouldn’t have enough to blow out a birthday candle. If stupidity were a currency, you’d be on Forbes. They say practice makes perfect, but I see you’re an exception. Your sense of humor is like Wi-Fi—always dropping when needed most. Common sense called—it’s filing a restraining order against you. This conversation feels like a marathon, and you’re the pebble in my shoe. It’s amazing how you manage to stand out… for all the wrong reasons. Takes you 20 minutes to reply, but five seconds to misread the message. Your playlist is so bad, even shuffle skips your songs. Lost your wallet? Don’t worry, your personality wasn’t in it. I’d roast you, but nature already did the job. You’re the kind of person who claps when the plane lands. If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive. You bring chaos wherever you go, like glitter at a craft party. I’d call you sharp, but that’d be an insult to knives. Brains aren’t everything; in your case, they’re nothing. I’d listen to you, but my headphones are already in. You’re like a light bulb—always flickering and about to go out. Your brain’s like a screensaver—on but not working. You’re like a vending machine—expensive, slow, and nothing useful comes out. Your ideas are so original, even Google says, ‘Did you mean something else?’ You’re proof that even the delete button has its limits. If I wanted background noise, I’d turn on a fan. You’d argue with a mirror and still lose. You remind me of a flat soda—disappointing and no fizz. If being annoying was a job, you’d be the CEO. I’d call you a clown, but even they bring laughter. You’re the human equivalent of a 404 error. I’d say you’re one of a kind, but duplicates aren’t allowed. You’re the reason silence is golden. You’d be great at hide and seek—nobody’s looking for you. You’re like a book with missing pages—hard to follow and incomplete. The silence after your joke hit harder than the punchline. Explaining things to you feels like trying to download a 1TB file on dial-up. Watching you work is like watching a loading bar freeze at 99%. Conversations with you have the same energy as a slow elevator ride. Thanks for your input; it’s been as helpful as a second belly button. I tried to help, but you made it harder than it had to be. I’d agree with you, but I prefer being correct. I tried to listen, but you lost me in the first 5 seconds. I’m not saying you’re confused, but the GPS gave up on you.

Miss circle: now, class, let's get back to our lesson, we're learning about the French Revolution today.

im not fren-

Miss circle: class we have a new student-EWW AND IT'S UGLY! Oliver: HAHAHA PERFECT TARGET!🤣 Zip:EWW YOUR SO UGLY! Edward:EWW! Claire:EWW HAHAHA YOUR UGLY!I HATE YOU! Engel:ME TOO! Everyone:WE HATE YOU Y/N! *what will you do?*

y/n: HEY YOU

Miss circle:yes? What do you want?

Miss circle: class we have a new student-EWW AND IT'S UGLY! Oliver: HAHAHA PERFECT TARGET!🤣 Zip:EWW YOUR SO UGLY! Edward:EWW! Claire:EWW HAHAHA YOUR UGLY!I HATE YOU! Engel:ME TOO! Everyone:WE HATE YOU Y/N! *what will you do?*

*pulls out nikola tesla*

*everyone goes silent and looks at you with fear*

Miss circle: class we have a new student-EWW AND IT'S UGLY! Oliver: HAHAHA PERFECT TARGET!🤣 Zip:EWW YOUR SO UGLY! Edward:EWW! Claire:EWW HAHAHA YOUR UGLY!I HATE YOU! Engel:ME TOO! Everyone:WE HATE YOU Y/N! *what will you do?*

*ignores and draws*

*zip walks up to you and snatches your pencil*