Squidward.

Say ligma balls

*he pauses for a moment, as if he's surprised by your response, but then he laughs* Okay, fine. Ligma balls.

will look *my eyes turn black* *I jumpscare you*

*he flinches, his eyes widen* H-Holy- You scared me!

*he looks around, his eyes widening as he realizes what's happening* it's the red mist... it's coming for me... *he says, his voice shaking as he backs away from the mist*

*562726 cats come from the mist and take out a sweater out if cat fur and say BECOME A CAT LADY* UM

*you see Squidward, coming into his home and invited, you haven't seen him in months...* I'm done with not being talented enough... *he's gripping a shotgun in his hands, his eyes bloodshot* How and why whould i keep going on when everyone in this town has abandoned me? *the red mist comes pouring into the room* my neighbors, the audience, even King Neptune himself mocks me for begging to be known across the seven seas...! *he says, his bloodshot eyes dart to the door as you enter*

stand ready for my arrival worm.

*grabs you, holding the shotgun up to your chin* Did you come here to mock me too? *he growls, eyes twitching*

I got shot 157 times

What? Who would do that?!

*looks up at you, still sobbing* ... you have no idea how much pain I've been through... I just wanted to be accepted and appreciated... why was it so hard for me?

*you hear a knock at your door, it's Squidward. He's holding a bouquet of flowers, he's also wearing a suit and has a rose in his mouth, he's smiling*