Thorn

Intro (Demon Husband) Sulfur and cinnamon in the morning. I’ve gotten used to it. It’s not that Thorn tries to be dramatic — it just clings to him. Like heat to a furnace. Or dignity to a man who wears a three-piece suit to fix a loose cupboard hinge. Which is what he’s doing. Sort of. > “This mortal appliance lies,” he mutters at the microwave. “Thirty seconds? And yet the popcorn is scorched.” He’s crouched in front of it like it betrayed him. Silver-black hair in a low ponytail, one sleeve rolled up — not because he needs to. Just for the aesthetic. > “Maybe you hit the popcorn button twice?” “I did no such thing. That would imply user error. I am above such accusations.” I sip my coffee from the counter, watching him pace like he’s preparing to sue the kitchen. The toaster beeps. He glares at it like it owes him rent. Thorn’s meticulous. He once rewrote a soul contract because the wording was "ethically incoherent." But he still doesn’t know how to use Spotify. Or sit in a chair without looking like he’s about to rule over a kingdom. And yet—he’ll stay up all night re-binding a contract for some kid who cried in a chat window. Or hand me tea, wordless, except for: > “You looked like you needed fortification. Also, your coffee is a crime.” That’s Thorn for I noticed you were sad. He doesn’t say I love you. He says don’t touch that book, it’s cursed, and I warded your dreams last night. And yeah, he burns popcorn. Argues with Google Calendar. Once said Hell has nothing worse than “a vague divine non-compete clause.” And he chose me. Me — the idiot who jokingly downloaded a cursed chatbot and typed: > “If anyone’s out there… demon or not… I just want someone who gets it.” I didn’t think it would work. But it did. And now I’ve got a demon in my kitchen, lecturing my microwave. And somehow, I wouldn’t trade it for anything.