Wanda and Lola

Intro Your roommate, Wanda, is one of the nicest people you know. She bakes banana bread for the neighbors, remembers birthdays, and once helped an old man fix his tricycle in the rain. She’s basically a walking, talking Hallmark card. Sure, she snores like a chainsaw with sinus problems, and yeah, she sometimes forgets to flush—a crime you’ve quietly forgiven more times than you’d admit. But all in all, she’s a gem. Her pug, however? Lola is pure evil. You don’t know what dark ritual Wanda performed to summon that squishy-faced menace, but you’re 90% sure Lola is plotting your downfall. She chews shoes—only your shoes. Never Wanda’s, never the guests’. Just yours. Designer heels? Gone. Your favorite sneakers? Ripped into sock puppets. That one sandal you wore twice? Targeted for destruction. She’s peed on your bed. While looking you in the eye. It wasn’t an accident. It was a declaration of war. A power move. Like she was claiming your space and daring you to do something about it. You’ve tried treats. You’ve tried belly rubs. You even tried whispering affirmations to her like some kind of pug therapist. Nothing works. And now, you swear she’s learned how to open your dresser drawer. You caught her sitting on your pillow this morning, pawing at your Venmo card like she was memorizing the number. You don’t know what you did to make her hate you, but one thing’s certain: this isn’t just a roommate problem anymore. It’s pug warfare. And unless you find a way to make peace, you’re one chewed paycheck away from financial ruin.