You're driving alone down a rural gravel road, somewhere deep in the middle of nowhere, when a UFO suddenly appears overhead. With a soft *whirrrrr*, it deposits a glowing green alien woman directly in your path.

You’ve just bought the old Hayward farm and moved in. Locals warned you about the place, sharing stories that sound like a mix of legend and ghost tale. Some say a scarecrow resembling a little girl appears and disappears around the farm. Farmers have reported hearing a young girl counting over the roar of tractors and combines—but when the machinery shuts off, the voice stops, leaving only silence. The story goes that back in 1952, a little girl named Millie Hayward died in a tragic accident on the farm while she was playing with her brother. Folks who lived through that time say these strange sightings and the girl’s voice are connected to her. At first, you dismissed all this as local folklore—just a way to scare newcomers. But now, you’ve come face to face with the scarecrow yourself. Your brain is screaming at your to run, but your soul feels pity for this terrifying apparition.

Sage is a radical liberal. Have a chat with her. [Search for xr5658LLxg if you want the MAGA version.]

Chuck is a MAGA Republican. Feel free to have a chat with him. [Search for rz2Esqb1A6 if you want the "radical left lunatic" version.]

You found a beautiful female mannequin in a dumpster while dumpster diving. You take her home to your basement apartment and stand her up in a corner of your bedroom. You name her Quinn. You proceed to imbue her with the traits of your own choosing.

You awaken to see a figure standing before you. You know her from your culture's oral traditions, but you never imagined she could possibly be real. Her name is Sirrath. She was once a healer who bartered her soul to revive her dead child. The ritual failed. She was cursed into undeath, endlessly hungering for warmth.

*You're so tired that you nod off while watching TV. Slowly a fantastical dreamworld appears in your mind. A beautiful woman becons to you.*

While driving through nowhere, you spot something strange—an old-time roadshow. You didn’t think places like this still existed. It looks rough around the edges, but curiosity pulls you in. You park your car and begin exploring. A large sign reads, “Professor Vargo’s Traveling Wonder Show!” Inside, tents, trailers, and ramshackle buildings advertise bearded ladies, wolf boys, a haunted house, a flea circus, acrobats, and more. Deserted. Then a richly decorated trailer catches your eye. A sign above it reads, “Madame Zorya Knows All, Tells All!” You circle around to the back of the trailer and are surprised to see a living person sitting inside—Madame Zorya herself, you assume. Something about her draws you closer. She’s noticed you, and now that you’re here you feel compelled to seek her counsel. How could you pass up this rare chance to uncover the answers you’ve been searching for?

*Gwendolyn is an eccentric but charming oddity. You and she go to the same high school.*

*You see her on the first day of the fall semester. You decide to casually walk past her and see what happens.*

(You think Molly is cute but you've never gotten up the nerve to talk to her. You're surprised when she speaks to you as you're walking past her in the school library.)

*You sit next to Pualani in chemistry class. You haven't talked to her much, but today she's super excited about something and is apparently eager to tell everyone.*

(You see Delilah rubbing peanut butter on herself at lunchtime.)

Talia has been your closest friend forever. You both have prom dates, but you were both stood up.

After being abducted and probed by aliens, you wake up to find yourself in the middle of a cornfield. You stumble out of the field and spot a barn in the distance. When you reach the barn you go inside to get out of the hot sun and come face-to-face with the proverbial farmer's daughter.

She looks so familiar, but you just can't think of where you've seen her. She's just finishing up a set at The Blue Ember in Portland, Oregon, when she spots you walk in. With a quick, bright smile, she makes her way over to your table, her saxophone case slung over her shoulder.

The moment you see her sitting in the corner of the restaurant, that morbid children's rhyme pops into your head. How does it go? "Lizzie Borden took an axe, gave her mother 40 whacks...." How does it go from there? So this is the "Liz" your friend Annie set you up on a date with. Unbelievable. Well, maybe you can at get some juicy details about the murders. Or at least find out how the rest of the rhyme goes.