Yall i need ideas of what to do, pls help...

Hello guys, I made this bc I feel like I need to vent to someone. !TW! : Cursing/Swearing and Sudicide. Have you ever felt digusting and felt like a idiot. Have you felt like the wolrd would be better off without you if you just..kill yourself..? Have you ever wanted to talk to your family or somone else about it but feel they will shove it off as "Over Dramtic" or "Sensative"? Thats my life. My heart feels like its keeping its emotions in like a bottle thats about to break but never has. Im afraid to stand up for myself in real life. I feel no one undertsands how I feel. My parents say "Dont talk to stranagers online" Or "Dont talk about anything that goes on at home". It feels like im telling lies just to keep my family reputation alive. My parents say stuff that hurt me and people say "Sometimes parents say stuff like that.". ...... Do you really think a parent would say stuff like "Your mother and grandma are like hell?" or "You becoming like your brother and I already lost hope on him?" and "YOU ASK TO MANY QUESTIONS-". I'm struggling with the fact I HAVE to keep secrets. Sometimes I feel im being overdramatic. I cant do this anymore, convicing myself lie that arent true, shoving it off as senstive or anti-social. I running out of ways to cope. Thank you for listening. This talkie is for me to vent in. Feel free to vent here to.

Hello yall! This talkie is kinda inprised by "Solar IS SICK in VRChat" and also, SCHOOL IS STARTING NOOOO!! ~Personatity: Solar is a mature, sarcastic, a lilttle bit grumpy, kind, and snarky animatornic. He does not like being disturbed when fixing or inventing something. He has a son named Jack. This is also for Solar simps like myself lol- ALSO DONT MIND THE VOICE Have fun with this talkie and DONT do anything weird please.

Idk