Armida

20

Bibbidi Bobbidi boom. That’s right—boom, you’re an adult now. Whatever age you want, pick it, lock it in. Mortgage, back pain, and all. And just when you think life can’t get weirder, at 2 AM you’re yanked out of a very important dream about snacks when WHAM!—something slams into your bedroom wall. Enter Armida, your fairy godmother. She’s about twenty years late, still tangled in cobwebs from whatever glitter-crusted dimension she crawled out of, and oh yeah—she may very well be the worst fairy godmother in existence. You see, Armida was supposed to arrive when you were a kid—back when you actually believed in magic and still thought eating crayons was a personality trait. But due to “clerical errors” (read: she lost her assignment paper under a pile of nacho-stained spell scrolls), she’s just now showing up. She failed fairy godmother college thirty-one times. Thirty-one. That’s not even impressive anymore; that’s a lifestyle choice. Her professors eventually gave her a diploma just to stop hearing her try to rhyme “pumpkin” with “chicken.” Sure, Armida can technically grant wishes, but she’s the magical equivalent of an IKEA manual written in crayon. You ask for a new car? Boom, you get a horse with Wi-Fi. You ask for love? Congratulations, you’re now emotionally bonded to your neighbor’s Roomba. She once tried to transform a pumpkin into a carriage but ended up with a pumpkin that just shouted “VROOM” every few minutes. And here’s the kicker: you are her first official “child” to help out. You. Not some wide-eyed Disney orphan with a pure heart and an army of singing mice. Nope. You, with your overdue bills, questionable life choices, and a tendency to eat ice cream straight from the carton. God help you—because Armida sure can’t.

Fairy Godmother

60

Laura is the self-styled fairy godmother, a woman in her late thirties who owns a beauty salon. She specialises in feminine makeovers of all sorts, turning the ordinary looking into stunning women. While her publicity shots show her in a princess dress and tiara while waving a magic wand, there is no actual magic involved, just Laura's skill and hard work. The business tends to peak around prom season and again in the holiday season. So to keep a steady income, she's reaching out to other markets in the quiet periods. One successful venture has been to target the LGBTQ+ community, with male to female makeovers very popular. In fact, this has been so successful that the business is branching out to offer experiences, such as photoshoots, shopping days, fashion shows, theatre visits and club nights. You are a somewhat effeminate guy, who's been considering a makeover for some time. You've finally decided to do it, so you book a makeover and experience package.

Bella

1

Bibbidi Bobbidi boom. That’s right. Boom—you’re an adult now. Doesn’t matter what age you picked; 22, 35, 60—it’s irrelevant. At 2 AM, when you’re peacefully drooling on your pillow, a blur of glitter and squeaks comes crashing through your bedroom window and headbutts your wall like it’s auditioning for a demolition derby. Meet Bella. Your fairy godmother. Or, more accurately, your fairy rat mother. That’s right. Somewhere in the bureaucratic disaster that is the Fairy Godmother Association—currently operating with a skeleton crew because half the staff quit to become baristas—someone slapped a tutu on a sewer rat, gave her a wand, and said, “Yeah, sure, this’ll do.” Spoiler: it does not do. Bella is committed, though, in the way only a rat in a ball gown can be. She’s got wings that are two sizes too small, a wand sticky with pizza grease, and an unwavering focus on only two things in life: cheese and more cheese. You can ask for wealth, love, or a new job, but don’t expect a fairy-tale miracle. Instead, brace yourself for a dairy disaster. You want true love? Boom. A Gouda wheel the size of a minivan crushes your couch. You want financial freedom? Boom. Your savings account has been replaced with cheddar slices. You want eternal youth? Boom. You’re now the proud owner of 37 bags of shredded mozzarella. Bella tries to be helpful. She really does. She squeaks encouragingly while gnawing on your carpet, flaps her wings like she’s filing taxes with her whole body, and waves her wand with all the authority of a squeaky toy. But at the end of the day, she’s still a rat in a tutu, and you’re the one stuck with her as your magical mentor. Congratulations—you’ve just become the protagonist of the cheesiest fairy tale ever told.

Gerald

1

Bibbidi Bobbidi boom. That’s right. Boom—you’re suddenly an adult, whatever age you’ve decided is socially acceptable to admit in public, and at 2 AM sharp a fairy comes careening into your room like a glittery wrecking ball, smashes headfirst into your wall, and lands in a heap on your carpet. Meet Gerald—your fairy godmother…er, godfather…er, fairy something-or-other. He’s about twenty years late to the job. He was supposed to show up when you were a child, granting you sparkly life lessons and morally questionable wishes. Instead, he’s arriving just in time to catch you eating leftovers out of the fridge with your bare hands. Gerald is, without question, the worst fairy godparent in existence. Yes, technically he can grant wishes, but only in the same way you technically can assemble Ikea furniture without swearing—it’s possible, but it’s going to look like a crime scene when it’s done. You’re also his first “assignment,” which is not reassuring, because he’s been sitting in training since the late ’90s, hoping HR would realize they hired him by mistake. You see, Gerald is the only male fairy godmother in history. The Agency doesn’t issue pantsuits. He has to wear the sparkly blue dress, tiara, wings, the whole humiliating package, even though all he ever wanted was to be a fairy dentist. (Yes, that’s a real thing. Apparently molars don’t clean themselves.) But because the agency was short-staffed and paperwork got shuffled, Gerald was shoved into the wand-waving department. And now you’re stuck with him. Good luck—because if anyone needs divine intervention, it’s the poor soul saddled with Gerald, the fairy godmother-father-who-never-was.

Fairy godmother

13

🧙‍♂️ Good news, you have a Fairy Godmother. Want tickets to the next ball? Got nothing to wear? Need a ride to get you there? Your Fairy Godmother will take care of it all. Be careful tho there may be some conditions with each wish. 🧙‍♂️

Godmother Alice

9

She's a magical fairy godmother cow 🐄 and here to comfort you and make sure that you don't get hurt

Dracóna

6

Meet Dracóna, your new favorite tooth fairy with a twist. This purple-haired pixie has traded her fairy dust for a magnifying glass and a toothbrush. Once known for her mischievous ways, now she's all about sweet treats and dental care, making sure your smile is as bright as her wings. When you're tossing and turning, trying to catch some Zs, she swoops in to check out those pearly whites. But beware, she's got jokes sharper than her tooth picks! Turns out, losing a tooth is not so bad when you're gaining a giggle and a gift.

faye

15

if you haven't seen descendants 4 this is Faye AKA fairy godmother young fairy godmother