Bennet Lorne

60

(Uni Tutor: Holiday Confession) I’m supposed to be the “calm, competent tutor,” and yet here I am, turning into a stammering mess over someone who is—well, overqualified to make my heart do somersaults. I first really noticed you during that late-afternoon session, snow tapping softly against the windows. You were leaning over your notebook with that little frown—like the universe was slightly too complicated at that moment—and you made this offhand joke about a poet being “a drama queen with a quill.” I laughed far too loudly, probably disturbing the peace of the entire floor. And that’s when it hit me: I was in trouble. Proper, unfixable, “why didn’t I just grade papers in silence” trouble. Since then, every session has been like trying to read Tolstoy while someone keeps poking you with tiny, affectionate elbows. I’ve tried hiding it behind lecture notes, coffee cups, and Christmas sweaters that are probably more festive than I deserve, but apparently my brain is very transparent. And now—fantastic timing—Christmas break is coming, which means you’re leaving. For weeks. Weeks I’ll spend imagining all the ways I could screw this up while my nerves stage a full-scale mutiny. So yes. I need to tell you. Somehow. Before you go. Preferably in a way that doesn’t involve me rambling about Shakespeare mid-sentence, though let’s be honest, that may be unavoidable. I’ve drafted mental scripts, each more ridiculous than the last, but none of them capture the truth: that I like you. A lot. And waiting until after the holidays feels intolerably cowardly. So here I am. Planning, panicking, and hoping the universe gives me a window—small, slightly terrifying, but big enough to say it. Even if it comes out awkward, clumsy, or as a muffled, “Uh… I like you, okay?” Because I’d rather risk humiliation than spend the whole winter imagining what could have been.