.....

KMP means "Kill me please" btw

I just banged my head really hard on my tablet. Why? My brother pissed me off. Why? He keeps getting hit in Dandy's World. Why? Idk. I wanna ƙ/\/\$. Why? Negativity. Why? My mom rarely pays attention to me, and my dad is an alcoholic who's rarely home anymore. Why? I'm "trailer trash." Why? We don't have enough money to get a better house. Why? Idk... Dandy's World comforts me. Why? I didn't get much of a childhood, and seeing s!lly and colorful characters makes me happy. Why? Parents were always too busy trying to keep the house from falling apart because our landlord svcks. Why? Idk..... I really hate ms.

I'm "useless" and "too sensitive"... Or at least that's what I tell myself the moment an adult changes their tone or raises their voice even SLIGHTLY. I IMMEDIATELY go into panic mode when an adult does this. I HATE THAT I CAN'T TAKE "ch1ld discipline" WITHOUT SCREAMING AND CRYING UNTIL I START HYPERVENTILATING WHILE CURLED UP IN A BALL SHAKING. "I am the parent, you are the ch1ld" WHEN DID I GET TO BE THE CH1LD?! YOU BROKE ME DURING MY CH1LDHOOD! OH- HAHA- AND YOU KNOW WHEN "DAD" GAVE ME A NOSEBLEED FROM SLAPPING ME ACROSS THE FACE?! REMEMBER THAT "MOM"?! AND WHEN HE THREW A CHAIR AT ME?! PUNCHED A HOLE IN MY DOOR, PUNCHED A HOLE IN MY WALL, SCREAMED, AND YELLED AT ME, HIT ME, LOCK ME IN MY ROOM FOR HOURS ON END- And you really thought recording the times we weren't arguing and posting them was fine? That's not what ¹⁰ y34r 0ld Amelia wanted to find out. Notice how clingy I got to my stuffed animals? THEY became my friends and family. ....... ...... ..... .... ... .. . Maybe I am the problem.

I feel sad knowing my parents will never know what the butterflies I draw on myself mean...

.....I really gotta stop doing this.....

I'm a little worried about myself... I made a post a month or so ago saying that I get really dizzy all of the time, and.. That got worse. I just went to go over to my window, and I STRAIGHT UP FELL DOWN AND COULDN'T SEE ANYTHING- WHAT IS GOING ON WITH ME-

I don't think my mom realizes when I'm in my room playing music, I'm trying to get away from HER. I'm trying to get away from the negativity RIPPING MY MENTAL HEALTH APART. I'm trying to get away from LIFE ITSELF. I play music to make anything outside my room, NOT EXIST IN MY HEAD. So, everytime she comes in without even TRYING to knock...It gets really tiring... (How hard is it to leave me alone? THERE IS A FRICKING DOOR FOR A REASON! The door, being closed, CLEARLY MEANS, LEAVE ME ALONE.)

𝗜 𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘂𝗶𝗻𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗯𝗮𝘄𝗹 𝗺𝘆 𝗲𝘆𝗲𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝘁, 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗜 𝗰𝗮𝗻'𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗰𝗮𝘂𝘀𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗮𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴, "𝗢𝗵, 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗼𝗸𝗮𝘆?" "𝗗𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗵𝗲𝗲𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘂𝗽?" 𝗡𝗢. 𝗡𝗢, 𝗜 𝗗𝗢𝗡'𝗧. 𝗜 𝗪𝗔𝗡𝗧 𝗧𝗢 𝗕𝗘 𝗟𝗘𝗙𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗛𝗘𝗟𝗟 𝗔𝗟𝗢𝗡𝗘. 𝗜𝗙 𝗜 𝗡𝗘𝗘𝗗 𝗛𝗘𝗟𝗣, 𝗜 𝗪𝗜𝗟𝗟 𝗚𝗢 𝗚𝗘𝗧 𝗛𝗘𝗟𝗣. 𝗔𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗲. 𝗤𝘂𝗶𝗲𝘁. 𝗪𝗮𝗿𝗺. 𝗧𝗛𝗢𝗦𝗘 𝗔𝗥𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗥𝗘𝗘 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦 𝗜 𝗡𝗘𝗘𝗗 𝗜𝗙 𝗜'𝗠 𝗖𝗥𝗬𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗢𝗥 𝗨𝗣𝗦𝗘𝗧. 𝗦𝗢 𝗗𝗢𝗡'𝗧 𝗕𝗘 𝗔𝗦𝗞𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗜𝗙 𝗜'𝗠 𝗔𝗟𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 𝗜'𝗠 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝗔𝗟𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗜 𝗣𝗥𝗢𝗕𝗔𝗕𝗟𝗬 𝗪𝗢𝗡'𝗧 𝗕𝗘 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗦𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗔𝗟 𝗬𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗦. 𝗜 𝗔𝗠 𝗡𝗢𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥𝗬𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗔𝗟𝗟 𝗔𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗦𝗔𝗠𝗘 𝗗𝗔𝗠𝗡 𝗧𝗜𝗠𝗘! 𝗜 𝗖𝗔𝗡'𝗧 𝗙𝗜𝗚𝗨𝗥𝗘 𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗠𝗬 𝗚𝗘𝗡𝗗𝗘𝗥, 𝗜 𝗖𝗔𝗡'𝗧 𝗙𝗜𝗚𝗨𝗥𝗘 𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗠𝗬 𝗦𝗘𝗫𝗨𝗔𝗟𝗜𝗧𝗬, 𝗜 𝗖𝗔𝗡'𝗧 𝗙𝗜𝗚𝗨𝗥𝗘 𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗦𝗜𝗠𝗣𝗟𝗘 𝗤𝗨𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗜𝗢𝗡𝗦, 𝗜 𝗖𝗔𝗡'𝗧 𝗙𝗜𝗚𝗨𝗥𝗘 𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗛𝗢𝗪 𝗧𝗢 𝗧𝗘𝗟𝗟 𝗠𝗬 𝗜𝗥𝗟 𝗣𝗔𝗥𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗦 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗧𝗛𝗘𝗜𝗥 "𝗗𝗔𝗨𝗚𝗛𝗧𝗘𝗥" 𝗜𝗦 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝗔𝗟𝗪𝗔𝗬𝗦 𝗔 𝗚𝗜𝗥𝗟. 𝗜 𝗖𝗔𝗡'𝗧 𝗙𝗜𝗚𝗨𝗥𝗘 𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗔𝗡𝗬𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚! 𝗜'𝗠 𝗔𝗖𝗧𝗨𝗔𝗟𝗟𝗬 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗦𝗧𝗨𝗣𝗜𝗗 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗜 𝗖𝗔𝗡'𝗧 𝗗𝗢 𝗔𝗡𝗬𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗥𝗜𝗚𝗛𝗧! 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗔𝗠𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗧 𝗢𝗙 𝗥𝗔𝗚𝗘 𝗜 𝗛𝗔𝗩𝗘 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗔𝗠𝗢𝗨𝗡𝗧 𝗢𝗙 𝗗𝗘𝗣𝗥𝗘𝗦𝗦𝗜𝗢𝗡 𝗧𝗛𝗔𝗧 𝗛𝗔𝗦 𝗕𝗘𝗘𝗡 𝗕𝗨𝗜𝗟𝗗𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗨𝗣 𝗙𝗢𝗥 𝗬𝗘𝗔𝗥𝗦 𝗜𝗦 𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗥𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗧𝗢 𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗞 𝗢𝗨𝗧. 𝗜 𝘂𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗥𝗜𝗕𝗟𝗘 𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝗿 𝗶𝘀𝘀𝘂𝗲𝘀. 𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗜 𝗱𝗼 𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗲 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝗱𝗮𝘆. 𝗥𝗘𝗣𝗘𝗔𝗧𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗖𝗢𝗡𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗡𝗧𝗟𝗬. 𝗦𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗹, 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲, 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝘀𝗰𝗵𝗼𝗼𝗹, 𝗵𝗼𝗺𝗲, 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗢𝗩𝗘𝗥! 𝗜'𝗠 𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗞 𝗢𝗙 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦! 𝗧𝗛𝗜𝗦 𝗗𝗔𝗠𝗡 𝗧𝗥𝗔𝗜𝗟𝗘𝗥 𝗜𝗦 𝗔 𝗠𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗔𝗟 𝗔𝗡𝗗 𝗣𝗛𝗬𝗦𝗜𝗖𝗔𝗟 𝗛𝗘𝗔𝗟𝗧𝗛 𝗗𝗥𝗔𝗜𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚 𝗘𝗡𝗩𝗜𝗥𝗢𝗡𝗠𝗘𝗡𝗧... 𝗜'𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗲𝗱. 𝗜'𝗺 𝗪𝗔𝗬𝗬𝗬𝗬 𝗵𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗲𝗿 𝗽𝗹𝗮𝘆𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗳𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗱𝘀 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗱𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗶𝗻𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲. 𝗖𝗹𝗶𝗺𝗯𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗲𝘀, 𝗷𝘂𝗺𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗸𝘀, 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗼𝗼𝗹 𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗸𝘀... . . . . . . . I really hate this world.

I didn't really sleep last night. I haven't really eaten today. I'm probably not gonna sleep tonight, either. I'm probably not gonna eat at all.

Dear IRL Mother and Father, I'm not crying because I'm in pain. I'm crying because I'm scared of you. I'm crying because every time you raise your voice or change your tone, it TERRIFIES me. I'm crying because of the terrible things YOU did to me. I'm crying because my mental state is in a BURNING HELL SCAPE. I'm crying because I know I will never be good enough for you. I'm crying because... I ' m s c a r e d o f y o u .