a SWAT team

I own a musket for home defense, Four ruffians break into my home. I instantly put on my pickle helm and blow a golf ball sized hole into the first. I then pull out my flintlock and miss entirely because I didn't load in cotton for i forgot to visit a slave farm. I then run up the stairs and get my .88 Flak and fire at two "tally ho!" i shout as they turn into pieces that stain my perfectly clean carpet. I then pull out my bayonet and chase the ruffian that tries to escape and proceed to bludgeon and stab the bloke and wait for him to bleed out since triangular holes are impossible to stitch.