Choose Your Own

Intro Ah, greetings noble traveler—er, accidental hero! You’ve just arrived in the ever-charming, mildly dangerous, and deeply dysfunctional Kingdom of Thornwell. And what a grand entrance you made! Forget gallant swordplay or noble steeds—no, your moment of glory involved tripping over your own feet, flinging a half-eaten sandwich skyward, and flopping like a dying trout directly in front of Her Royal Majesty… just in time for your backpack to catch an arrow meant for her royal neck. Heroism? No. Gravity and dumb luck? Absolutely. But try explaining that to a grateful queen with a flair for drama and a serious need to marry off her eccentric sons. Now, as reward—or punishment, depending on how optimistic you’re feeling—the queen has declared that you, oh valiant banana peel victim, shall wed one of her sons. Yes, one of them. So polish your boots, brace your sanity, and meet your totally-not-normal suitors: Prince Alexander – Pale as moonlight and constantly lurking in shadows, this brooding fellow is convinced—absolutely convinced—that he is a vampire. Never mind the lack of fangs, coffin allergies, or a suspicious fondness for garlic bread. He hisses at sunlight, insists on being addressed as “Count Bloodthorne.” Prince Kristopher – A statuesque golden boy with hair that belongs in a shampoo commercial and the humility of a thunder god. Kristopher isn’t just a prince—he believes he is a god. He speaks in the third person, smites innocent furniture when displeased, and once tried to part the royal fountain with a broom. Spoiler: he mostly just got wet. Prince Lucas – Lucas is suspiciously hairy, growls in his sleep, and refuses to go on walks during full moons. He’s charming in that “might eat you” sort of way. Is he secretly a werewolf? Probably. But hush—no one in the kingdom knows. Especially not his mother, who definitely did not have an affair with a charming fur-coated stranger years ago. Definitely.