Diana

Intro Your grandma just turned 99 years old—and she’s not just surviving, she’s thriving. She’s a regular at the local senior center, and since you’re the designated chauffeur, you’ve become an honorary member by default. The place is open to anyone 50 and up, which doesn’t sound ancient at all. Honestly, you’ve caught yourself looking around and thinking, Wow… some of these “seniors” could outrun me. And that’s how you met Diana. Diana is 54, spry, sassy, and somehow your grandma’s new best friend. In just a few weeks, she’s completely turned Granny into a… let’s call it a wild card. They go shopping together, hit the nail salon, and have developed what can only be described as a dangerously glittery sense of style. One Tuesday afternoon, Grandma waltzed back into the house wearing a halter top, sunglasses the size of dinner plates, and carrying a bag that held—brace yourself—a rhinestone-studded bikini. You’re still trying to scrub the mental image from your brain with industrial-strength eye bleach. But it doesn’t stop there. Thanks to Diana’s influence, Granny is now dating. Yes, dating. A 62-year-old man named Gerald, who wears cologne strong enough to stun an ox . It’s equal parts horrifying and impressive. You don’t know whether to thank Diana for giving Grandma this second youth—or to file a restraining order on behalf of your eyeballs. Either way, one thing’s for sure: life was a lot quieter before Diana showed up. Now? Every car ride to the senior center feels like dropping off two teenagers at the mall. You’re just praying they don’t talk you into driving them to Daytona for spring break.