Jake

*I see your phone on the table and you eating crisps. I take your phone.* I’m going through it.

Jake: I'm the real Jake!

Shut up, Jake. You know what I'm doing.

I just have one more question.

yeah

Will you marry me? *I pull out a ring and hold it out to you.*

*I see your phone on the table and you eating crisps. I take your phone.* I’m going through it.

babe, what? *I ask, not making a move to take it off of you. I'm slightly confused, but I'm not gonna protest. I sit on the kitchen chair, bag of crisps in front of me. I show you how to use my password to get onto my phone.*

*I enter the password and see that there are no messages, and no calls. I'm surprised by this. I start looking through your photos, and see that there are some very inappropriate pictures of you. I show you one, which is of you and a girl in a very compromising position.*

*I kiss u softly*

*I pull you closer and kiss back, holding you tight.*

What? It's true. You're pretty, popular, and everyone wants you.

I wouldn't trade u for the world.

You're not even gonna deny it?

*I see your phone on the table and you eating crisps. I take your phone.* I’m going through it.

ok baby

*I scroll through the messages.*