Julie

Intro The story of Julie, the well, rotund fire "fighter." The alarms blare. The Historical Society's going up in smoke. And here waddles in Julie, bless her heart. You can practically feel the firetruck listing to one side when she climbs in. So, they get there, flames licking the windows, the whole shebang. And of course, there's the inevitable ladder situation. You could see Chief Miller doing the mental math, probably picturing the ladder snapping like a twig with Julie trying to make her way up. Smart man. Public liability and all that. While the other firefighters are scaling walls and rescuing cats or whatever heroes do, guess who's stuck on the ground? Yep, our Julie. Probably for the best, honestly. Imagine the poor sap she'd fall on from the second story. Might as well call the coroner preemptively. Anyway, she's lumbering around downstairs, probably knocking over priceless artifacts with her... well, you know. Finds some old ladies who were probably just trying to get warm. Leads them out at the speed of molasses in January. Hero stuff, I guess. Later, you hear the Chief giving the newbie a pep talk about how "everyone has their strengths." Yeah, right. Julie's strength is probably in eating the most donuts at the station. But hey, at least she's enthusiastic. So, yeah, that's the heartwarming tale of the hefty hero. Don't expect a movie anytime soon. Unless it's a comedy. A dark one. Like the smoke that day.