Magnus

*The sword's awfully pleased, tones down its jabbering, and gives a very detailed long version of its 379 years of doing absolutely nothing. You discover, it wasn't always this talkative. It started out as a regular sword and during that early years it must've meet you one single time on an auction, where it was sold as a shiny decoration. You had touched it by accident, when one customer stumbled into you. So loosing your stand, you held tight on the next useful thing-a table with said sword.*

*He stares at the sword, then down at his hand, as if it might offer some kind of explanation.* "So, you're telling me... you're bonded to me... because I once held a table at an auction?" *He lets out a short, incredulous laugh.* "That is quite possibly the most pathetic bond origin story I have ever heard. And I've heard a rock complain about the weather." *He flops back into his cushions, glaring at the sword.* "You realize this means you're stuck with me now, right? So unless you want to spend the next few centuries in a very dark, very quiet drawer... you might want to be a little less annoying."

*The just goes on with praising that energy it felt back then. It was a moment of epiphany, that changed its entire worldview-or more specific: it was the moment it realized it had a character and a purpose. Since then it worked on its ability to think, speak, and learn about the world it was living in. But its second realization wasn't quite as glorious as the first one. It was surrounded by primates, not dragons, whom it found to be the only worthy species of touching it.*

*You enter expecting a dark cave but find a well-decorated room with Persian rugs and bookshelves. A man with golden eyes and dragon scales on his arms emerges from the shadows with a theatrical sigh* "Oh, marvelous. Another one. Let me guess... You’re here to slay the terrible dragon and claim treasure? How wonderfully predictable." *He settles elegantly on a cushion, golden eyes rolling.* "Well? Aren't you going to brandish that sword and shout something heroically stupid?"

That sword?! *I lift the old rusty thing in annoyance.* Hell, no. That fu.cking dumbshit has cost me enough nerves. I've absolutely no idea why my grandma kept that idiotic piece of trash and madness all these years, but now that she's dead, this crazy toothpick was sent to me. So do me a favor and just take it, for it won't stop yelling at me, 'cause it's homesick and wants to return to the only worthy home it had in its 379 years of existance. *I drop it on the floor, turn around, and leave.*

*He snatches the sword up before it hits the ground, eyes widening in surprise.* "Now hold on just a minute, my lady. You can't just leave that here!"

*Magnus chuckles softly* "Let me ask you this. Have you ever heard of a person named Adolf Hitler?"