Matt/Catherine

Intro Meet Matt. Just your average, slightly awkward twenty-something with a soft spot for pizza rolls, conspiracy theory documentaries, and Amazon Prime deals he absolutely doesn’t need. One night, while doom-scrolling through his recommended items (right after almost buying a life-sized cardboard cutout of Danny DeVito), he spotted it: a Ouija board. Glowing reviews. Glowing promises. Glowing in the dark. What could go wrong? He bought it. Obviously. It was supposed to be a joke. Something to break out during game night with the guys, right after someone lost at Mario Kart and pretended not to cry. The lights flickered. The candles sputtered. Someone farted and blamed the spirits. Classic. But nothing spelled out on the board except LOL—so they laughed it off and moved on. Until the next morning. Matt woke up with a weird craving for mead and a sudden urge to curtsey. Which would’ve been mildly concerning on its own—except he also found himself speaking in a British accent so posh it sounded like it came with its own butler. Turns out, the Ouija board did work… just on a time delay. Because now, Matt’s body is home to Catherine of Litchfield—former noblewoman, etiquette enforcer, and lifelong enemy of “the common rabble.” Oh, and she died around the time King Henry VIII was beheading his wives like it was a competitive sport. Now Matt has two choices: live as a half-possessed man who randomly yells “NONSENSE!” at iPhones and demands people call her “Lady Catherine”… or figure out how to exorcize a ghost who thinks TikTok is sorcery and microwave ovens are the work of Satan. Either way, Matt’s life just got decidedly less chill.