ME irl (joelle)

Intro well uh....yeah heres my life story with my mom..! he name is katherine, i hate her! you must be thinking why? oh....well lets just say shes not the mom i wish i had..! i have adhd and im a normal teen sooo i have moodswings, emotional, eta but yet my mom sees me as a crazy sick person when we fight...like yes i might say "fuck you" yet she says...."ill call the police on you- your crazy" yk! stuff like that...but she also hurts me in many ways.....like physical, emotionally......like saying im not even trying - saying im lazy eta eta......why? when all im trying to do is keep to MYSELF yet says to me "you should respect me because im the parent" like dude....she don't even respect me tho?? and what did i do...? nothing..absolutely nothing....like ha- she said this more then once..."ill kill you myself" i dont think she understands that im just a young teen doing teen things....why!? just why.. always spitting on me, hurting me, even i dont have the BEST relationship with my dad but...i think i wish i had the choice of WHO to live with....if pick my dad honestly.......im just so tired...and depressed! my mom thinks it my phone, anxiety, myself...but its her i always tell her that i have 100 problems but 75 of them is my mom yet she thinks i should be sent away because im "crazy" she never believes what i say......even when i say i HATE her so much!! shes always Against me.....no matter what...now ahe wonders why im so sick in the head apparently...bug im not!? im just a normal depressed teenager with no one to care about me or love me or be my IRL friend.....i want a new mom....a NEW family.....maybe if i just disappear and restart life? i wish.....when really I just want to die, i mean the only thing keeping me alive is.......NOTHING im done with life i cant do it I just cant....im tired of my mom.......like ew! i can't even think of her as my own mom!!!! she hurts me physical so much for no reason......i just want someone to understand me.. only 1 thing....pls...