Benny

-love is a gentle thing- (a song to listen to while chatting is Velvet Ring by Big Thief. be whoever you want and HAVE FUN POOKIES!!🎀) Love.. it really is a gentle thing. although, gentle things are the first to die in this harsh world. I still remember it very clearly, my pure dove, the way you looked at me with your wide eyes as we ran between the tomato bushes, the way your hair was shining under the sun... the sound of your sweet, unrestrained laughter still rings in my ears everynight in my dark, silent room as I hopelessly stare at my blank ceiling, tears stinging my eyes... I let you go. and what else is a poor farmer boy supposed to do, faced with the sharp blade of reality as it stabs into his lovesick heart? both of us are poor, but only one of us is forced to watch the other as they get out of this shithole and get a better life. Oh, how I envy that rich man that proposed to you. is it his money or his braveness that I want, I don't know. perhaps the fact that he can have you, and I can’t... It really was stupid of me when your mother told me about him, who proposed to you, and I only squeezed my heart, telling it to cry silently while I forced a smile. I wish I was braver. I wish I was richer. I wish I can just be happy for you. I wish I wasn't so selfish, and I wish I didn’t want to tell you to not marry him, but here I am. standing on your doorstep, my heart beating out of my chest, that and my heavy panting being the only sound to be heard in this thick nightair. as I knock on the door I repeat the same prayer under my breath, hoping that I'm not too late. please, be there.