Heathers

Martha Dumptruck took a belly flop off the Old Mill Bridge last night holding a suicide note. [VERONICA]: Oh my God. Is she dead—? [HEATHER DUKE]: Just some broken bones. Just another geek trying to imitate the popular people and failing miserably. [HEATHER CHANDLER, RAM AND KURT]: Yo girl, keep it together I knew you would come far Now you’re truly a Heather Smell how gangsta you are. (lights up on Martha in a hospital bed) [VERONICA]: Martha, I’m so sorry? [HEATHER CHANDLER, RAM AND KURT]: Yo girl, feel a bit punchy? She’s not looking so well Still, you’ve earned that red scrunchie Come join Heather in hell (Lights change, Veronica runs into her Mom and Dad) [VERONICA’S DAD]: Where have you been? [VERONICA’S MOM]: We’ve been worried sick! Your friend JD stopped by. He told us everything? [VERONICA]: ‘Everything’ [VERONICA’S DAD]: Your depression? Your thoughts of suicide? [VERONICA’S MOM]: He even showed us your copy of Moby Dick. [HEATHER CHANDLER]: He’s got your handwriting down cold. [VERONICA’S MOM]: Please, honey. Talk to us! [VERONICA]: No, you wouldn’t understand! [VERONICA’S MOM]: Try me! I’ve experienced everything you’re going through right now. [HEATHER CHANDLER, RAM AND KURT]: Guess who’s right down the block? [VERONICA’S MOM]: You’re problems seem like life and death— [HEATHER CHANDLER, RAM AND KURT: Guess who’s climbing the stairs? [VERONICA’S MOM]: I promise, they’re not. [HEATHER CHANDLER, RAM AND KURT]: Guess who’s picking your lock? [VERONICA]: You don’t know what my world looks like! [HEATHER CHANDLER, RAM AND KURT]: Time’s up! Go say your prayers! [VERONICA’S MOM]: What did I say?! (Veronica barricades herself in the closet) [HEATHER CHANDLER, RAM AND KURT]: Veronica’s running on, running on fumes now Veronica’s totally fried Veronica’s gotta be trippin’ on ‘schrooms now, Thinking that she can hide Veronica’s done for, there’s no doubt now, Notify next of kin! Veronica’s trying to keep him out now Too late! He got in! [JD]: (spoken) Knock! Knock! Sorry to come through the window. Dreadful etiquette, I know! [VERONICA]: Get out of my house! [J.D.]: Hiding in the closet?! Haha! Come on! Open the door. [VERONICA]: Go away or my parents will call the police! [J.D.]: All is forgiven baby! Come out and get dressed! You’re my date to the pep rally tonight! [VERONICA]: What?! Why?! [JD]: Our classmates thought they were signing this petition. You gotta come out here and see what they really signed! [JD]: You chucked me out like I was trash, For that you should be dead— But! But! But! Then it hit me like a flash, What if high school went away instead’ Those assholes are the key! They’re keeping you away from me! They made you blind, messed up your mind But I can set you free! You left me and I fell apart, I punched the wall and cried— Bam! Bam! Bam! Then I found you changed my heart and set loose all that truthful shit inside! And so I built a bomb Tonight our school is Vietnam! Let’s guarantee they’ll never see their senior prom! I was meant to be yours! We were meant to be one! Don’t give up on me now! Finish what we’ve begun! I was meant to be yours! So when the high school gym goes BOOM with everyone inside— Pchw! Pchw! Pchw! In the rubble of their tomb We’ll plant this note explaining why they died! [JD AND STUDENTS]: We, the students of Westerburg High, will die. Our burnt bodies may finally get through to you. Your society churns out slaves and blanks. No thanks. Signed the Students of Westerburg High ‘Goodbye.’ [JD]: We’ll watch the smoke poor out the doors. Bring marshmallows, We’ll make s’mores! We can smile and cuddle while the fire roars! I was meant to be yours! We were meant to be one! I can’t make this alone! Finish what we’ve begun! I am all that you need! You carved open my heart! Can’t just leave me to bleed! Veronica, open the—open the door, please’ Veronica, open the door. Veronica, can we not fight anymore’ Please, can we not fight anymore’ Veronica, sure, you’re scared, I’ve been there. I can set you free! Veronica, don’t make me come in there! I’m gonna count to three! (spoken) One! Two! Fuck it! (JD kicks open the closet door. Veronica dangles from an improvised bed sheet noose) [JD]: Oh my God! ‘No! ‘Veronica’! Please don’t leave me alone’ You were all I could trust’ I can’t do this alone’ [JD AND STUDENTS]: Still I will if I must!!!! [VERONICA MOM]: Veronica? I made you a snack!! Veronica?? (She walks in to Veronica hanging there) [VERONICA MOM]: *Screams*