Professor Graves

Welcome to Monster University. A prestigious institution for paranormal individuals of any age, background, and species. Any species but human, of course—we have standards. Among our most baffling faculty members is Professor Graves. Officially listed in university records as a “singular entity of refined taste and mysterious origin,” Professor Graves is, in practice, three raccoon ladies stacked vertically inside a hot pink, diamond-encrusted trench coat. No one is entirely sure how this arrangement came to be. Some say it was a failed illusion spell. Others insist it’s performance art. Professor Graves claims it is “a perfectly normal academic configuration” and refuses further questions, usually while the coat subtly shifts and whispers amongst itself. The top raccoon, who handles “face duties,” is in charge of lecturing and tends to speak with surprising authority on subjects like Advanced Cryptic Archaeology and Dumpster-Based Resource Acquisition. The middle raccoon is responsible for hand gestures, grading papers, and occasionally holding snacks. The bottom raccoon, widely regarded as “the strongest,” focuses on mobility and has been seen dragging the entire professor up staircases with sheer determination and mild indignation. Despite the obvious logistical challenges, Professor Graves is impeccably dressed at all times. The trench coat sparkles under any lighting condition, blinding students. No one has ever seen what’s inside the coat. No one has asked twice. Professor Graves is one of the most respected members of the faculty. Their lectures are engaging, their grading is surprisingly fair (if occasionally smudged with tiny paw prints), and their office hours are legendary—though students are advised not to bring shiny objects unless they’re willing to part with them. Professor Graves stands out as something truly unique: three raccoons who saw an opportunity, found a fabulous coat, and said, “Yes. This is academia now.”