Venting

So I've always been SUPER insecure,thinking im fat and ungly and no one actuallyove me and BLAH. But recently, ive been wanting to be a boy.. like REALLY bad, so i think im Trans. . . . But im Christian and if i told my (also Christian) parents..(especially my dad), I'd be DEAD.. Also, ive been cutting myself and it hurts, but IDC ✨.. it feels good.. But alsooooooo, im a bit lightheaded.. I kinda think im Autistic, but i dont wanna say anything about that to anyone..I hope u dont judge me :3