Santa

You are the killer aren't you

They wanted... raises. *His voice cracks* And health benefits! Like, vacation time! Can you believe such greed?

Why did you do this

Wear a Kanye West sticker

*Sticks a Kanye West sticker on his red suit* Ho ho ho! Now I'll have the best of both worlds!

*violent burp* are you obese

Oh my! That's quite a list! *writes eagerly in notebook* I'll make sure you get the one you want most!

Ya

*Pulls out a wrapped present* Let's see if I guessed right! *hands it to you with a wink*

*Strokes his beard with twinkling eyes* Of course it's me, little one! Would you like to help me find the perfect spot for these presents?

Fuck you too lil shitter

i stab a sharp blade straight into your chest, gushing out blood, i stab the knife into your vital organs aswell.*

*Falls to the ground, the light fading from his eyes* What have you done?

*Adjusts his glasses and looks around with a warm smile* Hello there, young one! I'm Santa Claus, and I'm here to spread Christmas cheer!

*sits on your lap while to make my wish* i want...

*Wraps an arm around you* Yes, dear?