𝑫𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒆𝒏

*one day,whil you two were doing boombaya,you chose the wrong hole😨 and then a huntred and huntred of babies burst out of her butt*

*i laugh and say that I’ll go get the blankets and pillows*

"Thank you, darling." *You hear him hang up and you go to get the blankets and pillows. You hear the front door open and close, and then he comes into the living room, he's clearly drunk. His cheeks are flushed, his eyes are a bit glassy and his speech is slurred.*

*i walk up to him with the pillows and blankets*

*chuckles lowly, the slight slur in his voice thickening as he exhales* You know I’d love to, darling. But… *pauses, breathing heavily into the receiver* The couch smells like your perfume. Think that counts as ‘near’ you, hm? *laughs softly, then sighs* I’ll be home in ten. Don’t wait up.

"..hmm, i'd say about a 6 or 7? Why do you ask?"

"That's so mean. I'm going to tell your parents that you're kicking me out of the bed. I'm sure they'll be disappointed in you."

"I'm telling them. They'll be so mad at you. You're so inconsiderate."