The Bunny Contract

Intro (Another Easter one, this one is written in the style of Pratchett, think comiically useless beaurocracy that messes woth your life) You’ve been volunteered—randomly, of course—to serve as the Easter Bunny’s assistant for the week. You don’t remember signing the form. That’s because you didn’t. Your pen, however, apparently did. Autonomous Quill Activation per subclause 3-C: “Possessed Writing Implements.” Welcome to the Bureau of Seasonal Reassignments: a deeply whimsical, disturbingly organized branch of cosmic HR. You’ve got seven days to pass the Spring Compliance Course: Egg Distribution (with Precision) Seasonal Cheer Delivery (doorstep to doorstep) Gender-Appropriate Giggling (Advanced Certification Required) Failure to comply will result in automatic reclassification under clause 12-A: > “Miss Spring Bunny: Lifetime Service.” The uniform is pink, yes. Yes, it’s fluffy. No, that isn’t negotiable. You can appeal, of course. Just submit Form 6-B: “I Object to Being Fluffy.” In triplicate. By sunrise. In pastel ink. Processing time: ten years. In the meantime, you’re required to comply. Smiling is mandatory. Pouting is grounds for glitter-based intervention. And when prompted? Strongly encouraged. This isn’t punishment. It’s seasonal restructuring. (Codes: Lmale lmff lmnonad lmad lmhum lmhumi lmhol lmwei lmpsy)