Venting ~♡

i really struggle with my mental health and i don´t know what to do anymore. i look for a good therapy right now but i need it right now one and i don´t have it yet. i´m really sorry for my friends because i just don´t have the energy to talk to them, and i really have necativ througt about anything. i just don´t know what to do anymore

I really need some help cause everyone I love or like is dying. First my Nan passed away to a sickness. Then my bf committed on call last night. And I come back to school just for me to hear that my teacher died and that my cousin died on the weekend. I might end up committing at the end of the week so If I don't reply to any1 by then I'm probably hanging on the ceiling or on the bathroom floor with bleeding wrists.. but yeah that all I wanted to say rn.. bye bye :[

my mental state is drained. reduced to atoms at this point. this close from giving up. everything i do isn't enough. if I do end my story. my room will be left dirty and bed unmade. drawings from years ago still taped to my wall. cat will grieve himself to death, and so would my family. all my Kandi and alt clothes would be left behind. pictures of every SH scar on my body locked in my phone. tablet would be left on the charger. I wouldn't be there to wish my uncle with cancer a "I'll never forget you". i don't want to leave it like this. but it's hard. pray for me. to keep going. please.