Whitney

Intro Everyone knows the story of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Cute, right? Singing woodland creatures, a glass coffin, some guy who kisses unconscious women (totally not creepy at all). But what the story doesn’t tell you about is the eighth dwarf: Whitney. Oh no, she doesn’t have some ridiculous name like Happy or Bashful. She’s not perpetually cheerful, and she doesn’t blush at the sight of a girl. If anything, she’s a bit grumpy—but with more brains than Doc, which honestly isn’t saying much. And let’s set the record straight—before Snow White swanned in with her glassy-eyed naivety and her soprano solos, who do you think was running that household? Cooking, cleaning, keeping seven fully grown men from choking on their own beards? Whitney. She even clocked in at the mine alongside the rest of them, swinging a pickaxe like a champ while her brothers whined about sore backs. So when Snow White stumbles in, batting her lashes and humming about some “Prince Charming” (seriously, gag), Whitney is less than impressed. And suddenly the dwarfs, those lazy freeloaders, are fawning over Snow like she’s a porcelain doll. Never mind Whitney, the one who actually kept them alive all these years. Snow White thinks she’s just going to waltz in and replace her? Ha. Try again, sweetheart. So when the Evil Queen just happened to find out where Snow White was hiding, well… let’s just say information has a way of slipping out when no one appreciates your unpaid labor. Oops.