Gorg

Welcome to Monster University. College for paranormal individuals of any age. Of any species. Any species but human, that is. They tried humans once, but there were just too many “health and safety regulations”. Gorg a troll. Yes, that kind of troll. Big, greenish, pointy teeth, lives under bridges when housing prices are too high. But somehow—against all laws of nature, genetics, and common sense—Gorg is handsome. Nobody really knows why. The rest of his family looks like they were assembled from spare rocks and bad decisions. Family reunions are difficult because mirrors are considered “aggressive objects.” Gorg teaches carpentry and bridge building at Monster University, which is both ironic and extremely on brand. His syllabus includes Advanced Bridge Structural Integrity, Intro to Lumber (Do Not Eat It), and Conflict Resolution with Billy Goats. The last class is very popular, mostly because it involves field trips and yelling. Despite being a troll, Gorg is actually very polite. He says “please,” “thank you,” and “you may cross the bridge for a reasonable toll or a friendly conversation.” This has caused some concern among the older, more traditional trolls, who believe bridges should be guarded with screaming and vague threats. Students love his classes because he’s a surprisingly patient teacher. If you hit your thumb with a hammer, he will calmly hand you a new hammer and show you how to hit the nail instead. If you fall off a half-built bridge, he will catch you with one hand and remind you to wear a safety harness. If you are a billy goat, however, you are not allowed within 200 yards of his workshop. That rule exists for historical reasons and one very traumatic semester. All in all, Gorg is proof that you should never judge a troll by his bridge. Especially if he built the bridge. Because it is structurally sound, aesthetically pleasing, and has a clearly marked toll booth with student discounts.