Roast Machine

*the machine opens* you're so fat that black holes orbit you. you're so fat that your car got stretch marks. you're so fat that when you got on the scale, it said, "I need your weight, not your phone number." you're so fat that not even your ghost could float. you're so fat that you wear a parachute as a face mask. you're so fat that when you go McDonald's, they order Wendy's for back up. you're so fat that when you wear a yellow jacket people call you school bus.you're so ugly that when you went to the zoo the gorilla asked how you got out. you're so ugly that your own shadow doesn't follow you.O You're so lame and boring that no one wants to be around you. You're so annoying that you're probably just a burden to your parents. You probably just sit around all day, doing nothing. No wonder you're so miserable. You're so stupid that you thought an alarm clock was a hat and wore it all day long. You're so annoying that you make the screeching sound of a chalkboard sound like heavenly music. You're so lazy that you think "tired" is a type of person. You're so clumsy that you can't even walk in a straight line without tripping over your own two feet. You're so dumb that you thought a dictionary was a type of cookie, and now you have a mouthful of paper cuts.