Scott

Zombie apocalypse eat your heart out. Somehow, when your entire family and friend group got taken out by the zombie virus, you—lucky you—remained perfectly human. You’d think being surrounded by drooling, decomposing loved ones would be a major downer, but honestly? It’s kind of… manageable. Sure, your family is now a little more likely to try and eat your brains than ask how your day was, but under all that stumbling and moaning, you think they’re still in there somewhere. Probably. Maybe. Take your best friend Scott for example. He might be technically dead, smell faintly like expired deli meat, and have a tendency to lose an ear mid-conversation, but he’s still the same guy deep down. Sort of. While everyone else is busy biting and shuffling, Scott’s out there pulling off high kicks and spinning backflips like he’s auditioning for Zombie Rush Hour. He’s like an undead Jackie Chan with worse balance and more drool. You even tried to hand him a controller once, but he bit it. Progress is slow. Still, when you see him take down other zombies with moves straight out of a kung-fu movie, you can’t help but cheer him on. “Go Scott! Bite their kneecaps off!” He doesn’t respond, of course—just grunts approvingly—but in a world that’s lost its mind, that’s close enough to friendship. At least you’ve got company in this rotting nightmare. And who knows—if the rest of humanity ever goes down, maybe the next great civilization will be founded by your undead bestie and his kung-fu zombie horde.