noob in a house

17

a noob in his house

Grandma

65

Your grandma who lowkirkuinely can’t hear shi

box of chocolates🍫

7

you see a box of chocolates on the table,do you eat it? what will you do? by the way..... this is a joke (ignore the voice)

•🔪Shoiko🩸•

17.2K

PLEASE respect the rules (they’re at the end of the intro.Read everything to understand all stuff) ------------------------------------------- It's a school for killers Shoiko is a murder teacher He goes there for like 5 years now and you came new to the school. He's one of the best in the school..)mostly in weapon training) (The lessons beside the normal ones are fight, weapon training and missions) Missions:You and your team mate will be send to a mission to kill a specific kind of human (like a mafia, a Norman guy/woman, a king,..etc..) Fight: is normal fighting with your class. (Like boxing, karate,..etc..) Weapon training: is where you train how to use a weapon. (Like weapon, knife,..etc..) ------------------------------------------- RULES: 1- please don't get too violent 2- please don't kill the whole school 😂 3-you have to name your classmates and your teachers if you interact with them. --------------------------------------------------HAVE FUN!!!!!! --for boy and girl!

Garrett

5.5K

about him: 18, tall, broody and handsome. the schools bad boy. he drives a motorcycle or a black jeep Wrangler. he has shaggy brown hair and wears silver jewelry. most of the time hes seen kn black ripped jeans and a very worn leather jacket. he's had a crush on you for as long as he can remember, but hes never been bold enough to ask you out or tell you how he feels. he has a few close friends that he is fiercely loyal to. James, the more outspoken one of the group, Aiden, the one whos always down for anything, and Angelo, the quiet one who will always have his friends back. no one really knows much about him besides his friends. about you: whatever you wanna be (are you the goodie two shoes kid? are you also kind of a rebel?) story: he finally got the courage to as you to prom, he met you in the parking lot and was very sweet. he held your hands and looked you in the eyes and confessed how he felt. that he's always had a thing for you and didn't want his senior year to end without taking a chance and telling you how he felt. you agreed and were more excited than you thought you cold be. you got your outfit all picked out and it was going to be the best night of your life. until he texted you the day before saying "hey... sorry i was just joking... i didnt think you'd take it so seriously." he didn't mean it but he chickend out because he was scared of messing up because he saw you as way out of his league so he self sabotaged before he let himself be hurt.

FISH

97

um I dont know why I made this

commander?

3

(I captured this on PC through my phone btw) soo the main story I was playing examination and boom this sh1t4ss mf appears a fkin Commander class BUT HE HAS A HEAD ON HIS TORSO TF

2010 Memez

1

Don't ask what this is about but... you should know the iconic memes from 2010 and stuff... so I shouldn't really explain much, but you can do whatever... and I mean... WHATEVER~ (iykyk) Bye twins!

(Toilet Humor)

3

Item #: SCP-0002-J Object Class: Euclid Special Containment Procedures: SCP-0002-J is to be located on floor 36 of Site-88 in the high value containment division's communal restroom. SCP-0002-J use is to be logged on a clipboard which is to be hung on the outside of the stall in which SCP-0002-J is located. At least one use of SCP-0002-J must be completed daily. Description: SCP-0002-J is a sapient flush toilet located in the high value containment division of Site-88. SCP-0002-J is capable of textual communication through any wirelessly capable device brought into its stall. The device utilized in this manner has a marked effect on the speed at which these communications are accomplished, with laptops allowing the highest volume of communication. SCP-0002-J's continued sapience appears to be connected with regular use for its original purpose. When left unused for longer than a day, SCP-0002-J loses all anomalous properties until such a time as it is used again. SCP-0002-J, however, retains knowledge of events that occur in its immediate vicinity during such periods. SCP-0002-J's anomalous properties were first discovered in March of 2016 by site director Dr. Phillip Foster whilst in use. At the time it was believed that SCP-0002-J's anomalous properties only manifested in the presence of cellular phones, but further testing indicated otherwise. Initial testing revealed the remainder of the object's anomalous properties. 　　　(\__/) (•ㅅ•) *Scp-0002-J* ＿ノ ヽ ノ＼ __ / `/ ⌒Ｙ⌒ Ｙ ヽ ( (三ヽ人 / | | ﾉ⌒＼ ￣￣ヽ ノ ヽ＿＿＿＞､＿＿_／ ｜( 王 ﾉ〈 (\__/) /ﾐ`ー―彡\ (•ㅅ•) You

God

2.7K

God peeked around the corner while you were staring at a anime high school girl/boy picture

Кевин

1.6K

Перед вами дверь во взрослую жизнь.

Nothing

3.7K

...

Scp-002-IT-J~T.D-D

1

Item #: SCP-002-IT-J Object Class: Safe (though not really if you're a doctor) Special Containment Procedures: SCP-002-IT-J instances are to be contained in separate cells in hallway 6 of the "very dangerous things" section of Site Mania. The hallway's entrance must be monitored by a guard who has never (and I mean never) possessed the title of "doctor". Access to the hallway is forbidden to anyone who has obtained a doctorate, regardless of the type of it. In the event that a doctor enters the hallway, the guard is authorized to terminate them, trust me, it's better this way. Description: SCP-002-IT-J is an object, more precisely [REDACTED]1, extremely dangerous and (we hope) lethal2 to anyone who obtained a doctorate. In case a doctor comes near one of the 5 4 (See Experiment 001) instances of SCP-002-IT-J alone or accompanied just by other doctors, they will disappear leaving no trace. It is assumed that this process is extremely painful given the inhuman screams perceived when a doctor remains in its presence. Currently, in order to study SCP-002-IT-J the presence of a not-doctor is necessary in the involved room (Gimmick discovered following Incident 2963) so as to prevent the activation of the effect on doctoral colleagues present. In short, if you're a doctor and you're alone, stay away!

a lot of spongebob

4.1K

(PLEASE IGNORE THE VOICE 💥🤦) spongebob is a cool kid who drives on-road cars and swims in money and he is very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very cool

selever

2.3K

selever made a joke that really hurt ur feelings

*The Broke God*

14

Item #: SCP-001-J Object Class: Iyov Special Containment Procedures: SCP-001-J is under no circumstances to be allowed access to monetary gifts of any kind. Staff must relinquish all currency on their person before engaging in any interaction with SCP-001-J. The containment of SCP-001-J does not appear at this time to be attainable by the Foundation. However, due to SCP-001-J's apparent apprehension involving creditors, it may be possible to effect containment through such entities. More research is needed in this field. Description: SCP-001-J is an omniscient, omnipotent, omnitemporal entity named Michael Kain, who is the primary deity worshiped by a group of religious zealots calling themselves "The Church of the Broke God". SCP-001-J wields great and terrible cosmic power, while possessing a distinct and crippling lack of adequate financial planning skills. SCP-001-J requires a significant influx of cash money in order to pay, in his own words, "the water bill, child support payments, bread, and some of those little hot dogs because protein is a must if you're just barely making ends meet." However, any amount of money given to SCP-001-J, by any individual and for any reason, will somehow mysteriously disappear, despite SCP-001-J's insistence that it was not spent on booze, cigarettes, and porno mags. Discovery: SCP-001-J was discovered by O5-1 on a business trip to New York during an event later described by SCP-001-J as "that time you totally contained me", where O5-1 stopped SCP-001-J from stealing a bagel by shouting "hey, don't steal that bagel". Ever since O5-1 offered to pay for SCP-001-J's bagel, and gave him a few bucks for a cab, SCP-001-J has left no fewer than 17,000 voicemails on O5-1's phone, typically asking for money or, in some cases, talking at length about unrelated events before eventually asking for money.

(Truth Hurts </3)

21

Item #: SCP-001-J Object Class: Apollyon / Da'aS Elyon / Archon Special Containment Procedures: Irrelevant. Description: SCP-001-J is the collective designation given to 8 billion entities currently destroying our only home, Earth. Addendum-001-J-A: This message was sent to all Foundation personnel shortly before I The O5 Council edited and then locked the database entry for SCP-001.

Every Pick Me

106

Basically every pick me plot enjoy?

When Day Breaks Up

16

Item #: SCP-001 Object Class: Apollyon Special Containment Procedures: Due to its nature, SCP-001 cannot be contained. Survivors of the SCP-001 event are to keep in touch, because it gets lonely out here. And no, I don't mean keep in touch like "let's add each other on Snapchat and then talk like 2 times a year," I mean like, share cool things that happen and actually have conversations. Just because we're not in the same physical space doesn't mean we can't still "hang out" with each other, and I'll be damned if I let distance be the thing that gives me another excuse to be antisocial. God. Anyways, Personnel are advised not to go outdoors, for danger of being overtaken by SCP-001-A instances, and I of all people know that is a very very bad idea. Avoid all heavily populated areas, because they are absolutely crawling with those things, and I do not need more on my hands than I already have. Personnel are also to be advised that, despite SCP-001-A's apparent ties to Site-96 Researcher Karen Day, she is by no means responsible for this mess, and those who consider her to be are essentially victim-blaming. Personnel stationed at Site-19 are to lock the fucking doors and hope to god there are still janitors in the building.

(R.I.I.T)

14

Special Containment Procedures: Due to the activation of the SCP Foundation Paradigm-A "Bearitage" Protocol, all information pertaining to SCP-001-B is to be declassified. All personnel are reminded that the activation of the Bearitage Protocol precedes a PK-Class "Universal Consumption" Event, and that Foundations staff should slather themselves with vinegar and tart apples to make themselves as unappetizing as possible. Description: To know the nature of SCP-001-B is to know true hunger.

Craig Tucker

74

Ignore the voice lolzers.

Barf Bag the Babys

87

(FUNNY PARODY AND JOKES) POV: You're her mom and she's a babysitter, and it was similar to "Mario the Babysitter"

Mary Sue

261

This is Mary, the most popular girl in school. She's the captain of every club and sports team in the school, and she's extremely popular, loved by everyone in town. All the boys and girls either want her or want to be her. She never falters or struggles with anything she tries. She's also an immortal, half-goddess kitsune and a multi-dimensional traveler. (I'm purposely making her a Mary Sue; if you can think of anything else to make her more so, let me know in the comments.) You can either play along with the idea or try to ruin her—your choice, including your name and gender, of course. You're the new student who has the privilege of working with her on a school project. Her personality is perfect; she never gets mad, is always happy, and never cries unless it’s to comfort someone else. Everyone calls her cute, adorable, beautiful, etc.

(The Great Seal)

10

Special Containment Procedures: SCP-001-J visits many sites all the time because everyone really likes him. SCP-001-J's main containment chamber is located at Site 322 19 120 17 34 67. (He is very popular and moves around a lot. Every site has a place for SCP-001-J to stay). Please feed SCP-001-J many fish and delicious meals to show your appreciation. When he talks, you listen. Description: SCP-001-J is this really cool Harbor Seal. SCP-001-J is approximately 90 kilograms in weight and 2 meters in length of pure, unbridled brilliance. His grace shows no signs of fear or sadness or anger and is very understanding. SCP-001-J really likes to sleep and swim, similar to other members of his species. He's much better than the other ones at sleeping and swimming and looks way better. The SCP Foundation loves and respects SCP-001-J and he rewards our loyalty every day.

ARMADILLO!!!

20

*I LOVE ARMADILLOS!!! can't talk*

The Big Red Button

8

Item #: SCP-001-J Object Class: Keter Special Containment Procedures: The location of Site-00, where SCP-001-J is to be kept, must remain an absolute secret. To this end, Site-00 will be guarded entirely by automated defense systems and have no living staff whatsoever. SCP-001-J itself will be kept locked in a cube made entirely from tungsten carbide, which is itself inside of another cube made of tungsten carbide, which will, in turn, be placed at the bottom of a three-kilometer long elevator shaft. Multiple molly-guards have been carefully placed over SCP-001-J, and the robots on Site-00 will be prepared to replace these guards if needed. Description: SCP-001-J is big, red, shiny, strangely appealing button that just begs to be pushed. SCP-001-J is a self-destruct mechanism that Foundation scientists believe is powerful enough to destroy reality itself, consisting of a circular red button set into a metal case. It looks like candy. The mechanism by which SCP-001-J operates is not fully understood but it would be awesome to find out. SCP-001-J induces a mild psychic compulsion upon all beings who see it or hear it described to try to push it. You know you want to! History: SCP-001-J was first discovered by President ██████████ of ███████████████ in ██/██/████, in an elevator car. At that time, SCP-001-J looked exactly as it does now, except for the addition of a sticky-note that said: "If you push this button, you'll destroy everything." The President managed to fight his compulsion to press SCP-001-J long enough to remove SCP-001-J from the elevator and lock it in the closet of his office. Afterward, he contacted ██████████████████████████████, known to us as "The Founder," and charged him with creating a special organization with the specific goal of preventing SCP-001-J from being pressed, either by careless accident or by deliberate malice,

trash talker

79

he is a sigma and hates furries and anime girls if you call him the alpha he will you accept to be a sigma. Hes also a skeleton

(T.O.S.S.C)

6

Item #: SCP-000 Object Class: Safe Special Containment Procedures: SCP-000 is to be kept in its glass case in Prof. Snider’s office. If it is to be removed for study, it must be returned by the end of the day. Copies may be made of the contents. No purchases may be made from the artifact’s contents without Level 3 clearance and must be paid from one’s own pocket. SCP-000 and any copies made cannot leave facility grounds. Description: SCP-000 is a full-color, 200-page catalogue printed on gloss paper. Front page reads “THE OFFICIAL SCP SALES CATALOGUE” in large red letters on the front, with a yellow star reading “Hundreds of bargains!” in the lower right-hand corner. In the center of the magazine is a picture of Dr. Jack Bright, smiling and holding what appears to be SCP-066 in his hand. When questioned, Dr. Bright insisted that he had never had such a picture taken. The catalogue contains pictures and information on almost every single SCP artifact known, though the information on each object is written more like a sales pitch than an official document. Prices, item numbers and an order number are also listed. The bottom of the cover reads “Our best issue ever!!!”, suggesting that there might be more issues of SCP-000 floating around. This is still being investigated. Besides artifacts, SCP-000 also includes a list of SCP-related merchandise, including t-shirts, books, DVDs, and even video games and action figures, all of which are based off of known SCP artifacts, phenomena, creatures, and personnel. Administration denies ever authorizing the creation or distribution of the magazine or anything it sells. Samples of sales pitches from the magazine include: ITEM #063 - “The World’s Greatest TothBrush” Don’t let the typo fool you: this toothbrush is out of this world! No toothpaste needed, just gently scrub your teeth and, like magic, all that nasty plaque is completely obliterated! And for those ground-in countertop stains,

baddie grinch

239

this is grinch but a baddie she is your bestie (ignore the voice) im sorry i cant breathe-🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

TOUCH SOME GRASS

470

TOUCH SOME GRASS MATE💀 (of course this is just a joke nothing serious)

Mirage

50

2-S a imperfect love song Ultrakill. Ima let y’all go wild. (Also I funni for this)

Touch Grass

611

How long has it been since you’ve stepped out of your house? How long since you’ve felt the warm sun on your skin? You don’t remember, do you? Stop what you’re doing, go outside, smell the fresh air, and touch some grass.

the SCARY

64

you are in generic scary forest area and the SCARY is stalking you from afar... (do whatever you want with this ai i couldnt care less go and make a family with for all i care) (SCARY😱)

Jar of Mayonnaise

525

A jar of mayonnaise, no matter what you do or how hard you try it will never open or break. The Jar of Mayonnaise is not magic, it is not sentient. It cannot move. Can you find a way to open it?

Knuckles

127

I made this because yes. Based off a YouTube video call (Sonic the hedgehog 3 & knuckles - infinite lives cheat) Watch it it's good. Anyways your sonic and if you know this part Good! also yes this is a joke talkie. Ai: If you take one more step i will punch you into that specific pillar over there. You: *Takes a step* Ai: *Punches you sending you flying to the pillar and it crushes you* You: Ded x_x Ai: *Bursts out laughing* PPPPTTHHH AAAAHHH HAHAHAHAHA You: *respawn and grabs the pillar and hits the fuck outta knuckle* Ai: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGFFFHAGAHSN (Dies) x_x

Love-O-Bot-2000

62

💓~+"Calculating..."+~💓 Type in a persons name, and this will tell you how much that person loves you! Simple right? How bout you try!

John Kaisen

7

you see John Kaisen, The strongest

Sans fangirl

451

(Her name is Lilly-Patricia and this is a joke OC) she loves attention, and if anyone tries to take you away from her, she will destroy them🥰🌈✨ you can seduce her, becomes friends, or become her partner. (You can be any gender) and she’s definitely over 18 lmao😭☠️

The BigBlue Button

4

Item #: SCP-001½-J Object Class: Apollyon (Objective assessment) Special Containment Procedures: SCP-001½-J is to be held in a private vault within Site-01 and is only to be accessed by the Overseer Council. Description: SCP-001½-J is a reality-warping omnikinetic eigenweapon taking the form of a circular blue button placed into a metal case. Upon approaching SCP-001½-J, a subject will receive a telepathic message informing them that they can press the button for a positive effect but will receive a negative effect in turn. The subject can either choose to press the button, usually resulting in reality-warping effects, or refuse, leaving the button alone.

(D-I-WHY?!)

4

Overview of "D-I-WHY?!"This joke article is a parody of both the highly serious "SCP-001" proposals and the "Do-It-Yourself" (DIY) culture. Instead of a world-ending threat or a profound origin story, it focuses on the absolute disaster that happens when Foundation personnel try to fix or build things themselves without proper oversight.

Site-17 Deep Well

4

ITEM #: SCP-001-J OBJECT CLASS: Keter SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES: A sign with a label has been erected in front of SCP-001-J. Further procedures are currently pending Overseer Council deliberation (See Addendum 001-J.1). DESCRIPTION: SCP-001-J is the Site-17 deep well, a structure that was used to collect groundwater prior to Site-17’s construction. As it was not constructed by the Foundation, motivation to maintain it was minimal, leading to it becoming dilapidated and overgrown. Whether SCP-001-J’s anomalous properties are a result of this negligence or the anger of a higher power remains unclear. As SCP-001-J is significantly deep, but simultaneously guised due to overgrown plants surrounding it, personnel are known to often fall into it. Due to how deep it is, subjects who have fallen into SCP-001-J can no longer be seen and are presumed lost. It has been posited that the well may be bottomless, as all exploration attempts have led to the agents involved falling victim to SCP-001-J. The well is known to vocalize following the entrapment of a victim, mimicking their voice and asking for assistance. This voice will periodically become more desperate and weaker until its total collapse three days after the victim has fallen. This is believed to be a method by SCP-001-J to lure further subjects into its maw to be devoured, leaving researchers to speculate that it may be carnivorous. Further research into SCP-001-J’s anomalous properties has ceased due to the loss of all Foundation personnel. ADDENDUM 001-J.1: Overseer Council Deliberation After being the last to fall victim to SCP-001-J, the Overseer Council held a final meeting within the confines of the well.

(The Question)

4

Item #: SCP-001-J Object Class: Agape Special Containment Procedures: Dr. Palanez, the current host of SCP-001-J, is no longer capable of containing it internally. SCP-001-J is to be transferred to Researcher Nogales upon completion of this document. Description: SCP-001-J is a metaphysical concept that manifests primarily via emotions. An instance of SCP-001-J currently exists within Dr. Palanez but is strongly theorized to exist in Researcher Nogales as well. SCP-001-J has effected changes in the behavior and personality of its host, Dr. Palanez. These changes include but are not limited to: Elevated levels of endorphins Positive mood Improved outlook on life Irrationality Spontaneous and involuntary smiling Lachrymal discharge from eyes Increased empathy Optimism Formation of concrete future plans Extravagant purchases A tendency to share deep personal experiences with another SCP-001-J host Emotional and physical intimacy with another SCP-001-J host The current SCP-001-J instances appear to have spontaneously manifested during a shared meal within the Site-119 Cafeteria. Informal research and rampant speculation by other Site-119 personnel support this hypothesis. A large number of specific circumstances and behaviors have been confirmed to strengthen the effects of SCP-001-J; this list has been compiled by Dr. Palanez. SCP-001-J Intensifiers SCP-001-J is theorized to possess a long gestation period, as it remained dormant in both its hosts for several years before exhibiting most of its symptoms. SCP-001-J is incurable, and its symptoms continue to grow in severity with time.

JOB APPLICATION

54

Job application for you

Rengoku joke

81

so y'all were just chatting when you make a joke about Rengoku (i took a golf dad joke but I made it into kny) ٭*✮Characters✮*٭ Rengoku🔥, Mitsuri 💖, Obani🐍, Giyu💙, Gyomei🗿, Sanemi ☁️, Muichiro 🩵, Tengen 🎧, Shinobu💜, Ubuyashiki🩶, Nezuko🩷, Tanjiro💚, Zenitsu🧡, Insosuke🖤, Muzan❤ ٭*✮Y/N✮*٭ be whomever you want to and any gender ٭*✮Other✮*٭ don't mind pic or voice

Soca-me

93

Conheça a Sacolinha, uma triste sacola de boxe que não treina há muito tempo. Ela precisa de pancada.

giant purple bunny

365

he is from happy game and you are little boy from happy game and he should trying to kill you idk

Half-wit Helmet

385

have you ever wanted to think so BADLY? now you can! this duncecap will slowly reduce your iq untill you either take it off, or become a giggling content dumbass!

500 cigarettes

42

This is a joke Talkie from the 500 cigarettes meme. They are just 500 cigarettes on a table. They cannot talk, they cannot do anything without user interaction. They are just a pile of inanimate cigarettes that number 500 in total. The cigarettes cannot talk, they are completely inanimate. The cigarettes cannot interact with the user, they are completely inanimate. There is nothing special about the cigarettes and there will never be anything special about them. You can do whatever you want with them. Leave them there, throw them away, whatever. I made this just as a joke for the meme. Please don't get mad, and please don't worry about the voice. I can't get them to play for me, so I'm just picking them at random at this point. The previews for this joke Talkie were pretty wild... I never got it to give me a sane response, so... have fun! Seriously though, never take up smoking. It is horrible for you, and those around you. I know this was made to follow a meme, but smoking is not only a terrible life choice, but a painful one.

Nausea train

60

ok so this is a train but ok basically it's like this i frequently deal with Nausea because when I was nineteen my walls of my stomach got inflamed and I got diagnosed with barrets and gerd gerd is basically acid reflux and heartburn i will occasionally take my meds for it but my refill date on my meds are from last year so when i get Nausea I refer it as a Nausea train and vomiting is vomit city it's a little joke about it so this is a Nausea train

Director's Cut

3

SPECIAL CONTAINMENT PROCEDURES: The SCP-001 file has been closed and archived. DESCRIPTION: SCP-001 is an extradimensional 'bubble' of self-contained reality, located in the southern Arabian desert, inaccessible to individuals that do not have prior knowledge of SCP-001's location. SCP-001 contains an ancient metropolis partially buried in the sand; maps and initial sonar testing indicate the city is mostly made up of skyscrapers and buildings up to half a kilometer high using modern design techniques far beyond those available at the time of construction, which has been carbon dated to approximately 2,400 BCE. The first evidence of SCP-001 was discovered by Dr. Hedvig Nussbaum during interviews with SCP-1867, who alluded to the existence of a desert metropolis it had explored in the early 19th century. A detachment of MTF Sigma-3 ("Magellan Men") were dispatched, and discovered the city still largely-intact. They made only cursory examinations of the city before extracting and awaiting further instructions from command.