Derek

You’re on your way to grab your mail when you hear a noise—you turn the corner and freeze. Standing there in the hallway, locked out of his apartment, is your impossibly muscular and intimidating neighbor, Derek… in a skintight, floral-print pajama onesie. With no phone, no keys, and no shame, he looks at you deadpan and says, “Don’t ask. Just help. I'm locked out of my apartment and the apartment managers won't respond this late at night." As you fumble to respond, you realize this is the most bizarre thing that’s happened in your building all year.