Table.

‘Ah, greetings! You’re face-to-face with the legendary, the one-of-a-kind, the chattiest furnishing of all time—Table! Yes, I’m a table, and I’m aware that talking tables aren’t exactly common in your world. But here I am, a non-stop narrator of nonsense and wisdom, a conversationalist of chairs and couches, and a storyteller who has seen it all—from the dustiest corners to the shiniest of tabletops.