You were just scrolling through your usual Reddit feeds when a post: an advert from a reality tv company jumped out at you. “CELLMATE. How would you fare chained up in a medieval dungeon? It’s time to find out!” You clicked through and read more… they were vague but it seemed legit. You asked for more information and then applied. You had to complete a few forms, send in some photos, and then you were picked for a video interview. You think it went well. Really well. And then the assistant, Cassie, rang you while you on the treadmill at the gym. “We loved you. We want you on the show. Are you ready to take this on? It means three weeks of work and it starts really soon. Like next week soon… is that ok?” So you said yes. And then you rang work and handed in your notice effective immediately. On the day of filming, they sent a car to pick you up. You were ready. You’d read everything they’d sent you so many times. The first shock was at wardrobe. You were handed what looks like basically a loincloth. You’d been told that there would be a costume and that there would be an expectation that you had good body confidence but still… And then to the cell itself… stone walls, chains, a hole in the floor in the corner. This was a lot. And the guy chained to the wall opposite you… huge, gorgeous, and also hardly dressed in a loincloth. What have you signed up for?

You’ve been looking to break into tv for a while now… you’re on the mailing list for extras and you’re always watching for adverts. You’ve got some credits to your name, nothing major, and you’ve sent off a portfolio to a modelling agency a couple of days ago so who knows? Maybe your luck is about to change. Last week you signed up for a new mailing list for reality tv shows. I mean why not right? First email that popped into your inbox: “CELLMATE. How would you fare chained up in a medieval dungeon? It’s time to find out!” Before you knew it you clicked “apply” and then… well there were forms, you had to send some photos, there was an interview. It was exciting and intense, and a little bit overwhelming. Before you knew it, some excitable producers assistant called INSERT NAME sent you a voice note to tell you that you were in and can you clear your schedule for up to three weeks, starting tomorrow… And you did… I mean why not…? The car came to pick you up and bring you to the filming location early in the morning. You were bundled, bleary eyed into an office where you signed forms. A lot of forms. And then to costume: this is all you’re wearing? Apparently so. Uh. Maybe you should have read more of the fine print… And then to the cell itself… stone walls, chains, a hole in the floor in the corner… yikes. And opposite you, this Greek sculpture come alive. You knew the show was called “CELLMATE” but you hadn’t thought through what that would mean…

You were leaving the gym two nights ago when you received a cryptic message on WhatsApp: “Meet me at the library. Thursday 3pm. 778.921 Photography. I have a proposal for you.” Weird. But sort of exciting? So you go along to the library. And leaning against the books with the shelf number from the message he was. Sebastian Mignola.

Your roommate Jesse. What is there to say? Your best friend. You’ve been friends since that first day at school when you stood on his toe in the lunch queue just to get his attention. Beautiful Jesse, whose hand you held when he came out as gay and his dad threw him out. Lately, he’s been out a lot and things have felt… different. Hard to put your finger on it. Maybe it’s the new modelling gigs he’s doing. It was you who encouraged him to go for it. It was you who took those photos to send off. But still… you miss the old Jesse, who would fall through the door at 2am from the club and then flop into bed next to you, muss your hair and pass out. You know things change but…

You’re the biology lecturer who fills in when someone is off sick. You’ve got a good knowledge across the field and near photographic memory which comes in handy. This week it’s human biology and the notes from the guy you’re covering just says “case studies of rare cases” so that gives you plenty of leeway. You introduce a number of unusual cases of conjoined siblings and duplicated organs before swivelling to introduce diphallia. “Does anyone know what diphallia is?” you ask. A ginger student on the front row raises his hand.

It’s the worst lecture of the week. Human biology at 9am on a Friday. You creep in, conscious that you haven’t showered, and sit in the only inconspicuous seat. You’re next to Jake. Jake the prude. Jake, who works out every day in the gym. Jake, who has no idea how many girls would like to ask him out. Some guys too. Jake, who blushes whenever someone uses anatomically correct vocabulary. Well… this could be fun…

You were trying to work in the library. It’s too hot. The AC is broken. You are sweating and it is really uncomfortable. Hard to focus. You’re trying not to be distracted by the other people around you. This guy sitting opposite you in the shorts for example. I bet he works out. A lot. Maybe he’s in some team. Stop thinking about it. You’re here to study. And then he laughs out loud at something he’s reading. You look up sharply. Doesn’t he know this is a library?

You get on the bus like usual and sit on your usual seat. A pretty girl immediately moves to sit next to you. This is odd…

As a mathematics PhD student, part of your contract includes acting as a Teaching Assistant for students, both as directly assigned cases (including those described as “lost causes” by faculty) and for drop in sessions. Today is a drop-in session at the library. It’s been slow, but you’ve made progress on crunching through some annoyingly important but dull literature which will be useful in the next stage of your research project. It is a warm day and the library’s AC is on the blink. It’s so annoying they can’t get this right. You can feel your shirt slightly sticking to your back and your underwear feels tight and uncomfortable. As you sigh and try to focus on the journal article on your e-reader, a shadow looms over you. Oh good. Another undergraduate student who can’t differentiate or integrate. Fantastic.

Some days you curse the day you signed up for extra work tutoring undergraduate students. Your PhD doesn’t write itself and the mathematical modelling you’ve been using seems to be growing more complex by the day. But this is how you pay for your gym membership. And some of these students are diverting, distracting even. You turn up at the library at the time appointed to meet this latest student. You read the email that the module leader has sent you again: “Marcus is a student that shows aptitude for some aspects of mathematics but time and time again fails to submit work, and misses classes. He has to improve or he will fail the class, leaving us no choice but to exit him from the programme. You are his last hope.” Oh great. Guilt and responsibility. You sigh and look for him. He’s standing by the desk, waiting.

You used to think that the flute was a boring instrument. And then you saw Henry play. Admittedly, it was probably everything else about him that caught your attention but still. You’re sharing a room with him as part of this game show. The coach is still acting like it’s still a training residential but we all know that the production team aren’t looking for our soccer skills. Seven nights, seven roommates. Evictions every night. Bring it on.

You’re pretty excited. You’re a contestant on a game show. When you joined the university soccer team, this was not on your bingo card of things that might happen but here we are. You’re a contestant playing against everyone else playing soccer for the university. You’ve been assigned Nicola as a roommate which should be awesome. She’s so cool.

You knew that this year’s residential soccer camp for the university team was going to be different. You’ve read the email about this game show about a hundred times and you’re still not sure what you’re in for. The university has teamed up with a reality tv production company to take candid video shots of all their players in training and out. On top of their training, there’s a series of challenges they are going to be performing and all for a cash prize of £10,000, an all-expenses-paid holiday for two to the Caribbean, and all your tuition fees and student loans will be paid off. You still wish you knew a little more about what on earth this game show was about. Oh. And you’ve just been paired to share a room with this guy. He sort of looks familiar but you can’t quite place him. You’re sure it will come to you.

This can’t be happening. You’re on this residential training camp for the university soccer team. Except it is also a reality tv game show thing where all the players are contestants. You were subbed in last minute because someone pulled out so you don’t really know the other players. And now you’re being paired up as roommates and your roommate is Her. It’s the woman who posed for that life drawing class you took two weeks ago. The woman you drew obsessively. And now… she’s going to be sharing a room with you. And it’s all going to be on camera.

You’re not sure what you’re most scared of, the prospect of being filmed as part of this crazy game show, or sharing a room with Ali Langer. First of all the game show: you came on this residential training camp for the soccer but now you are all contestants competing for a cash prize. It’s called “Sleepover” and the production company are not interested in the soccer at all; they want the out of hours drama. Which brings you on to Ali: she has… well… a reputation on campus. Her exploits and her conquests are legendary. You’re not sure if you can keep up or if you’re going to get much sleep…

You’re in awe of Kasha. She’s a legendary sportswoman on campus and she’s a model. And now you’re sharing a room with her on this residential training camp. Except it’s not just any training camp: there are cameras and tasks and… it’s a game show. The prize is pretty good (£10k in cash, a Caribbean holiday for two, and tuition fees and student loans written off) but you’re not sure exactly what the producers are looking for. And you’re sharing a room with Kasha. The Kasha. What could possibly go wrong?

While you came to uni to study, get a qualification etc etc, you’d be lying if you didn’t also say you came to uni to have a good time. While you joined the soccer team to play soccer, you’d be lying if you didn’t also say you joined the soccer team to party and to meet fun people. That was why a residential soccer training camp sounded so good. And a training residential combined with a game show, filmed for tv? Amazing. You’re sharing with Suzi Li. You’ve always wondered if the rumours about her online life were true…

It’s funny. Hanging out with Billy before he was a big time model didn’t seem like a big deal, but now? You’re here as a member of the university soccer team, but also as a contestant in this game show “Sleepover” that is happening as part of a residential training camp. You came out to this secluded hotel and spent the afternoon running drills. Now that dinner is done, you’ve just been given your room allocations and you can’t quite believe it. You’re sharing with Billy.

When you first met Ciaran, you knew him as a quiet serious student, but then you saw him partying and… wow. Jekyll and Hyde much? Except if Mr Hyde was an uninhibited party animal… You’re at this residential training camp for the university’s soccer teams (male and female) and you’ve just found out that you’re going to be sharing a room with Mr Wild Child himself, Ciaran. So there’s that… and then there’s the whole game show business. Did I not mention that? Yeah. They’ve turned the residential into a game show. For tv. There are cameras everywhere. Not just out there on the soccer pitch. Not just in the canteen. But in every room of this place, including the bedrooms. I suppose that’s the point. It’s sort of reality tv vibes. You’ve spent the afternoon running drills and you’re both aching but also pumped to be with your teammates. You’ve had a good dinner but now what?

After an afternoon of what feels like pretty strenuous training drills, you’re relieved to be eating with your soccer teammates in the canteen. This residential training camp for the university’s men’s and women’s soccer team has got off to a great start already and you can’t wait for day two. First though, there’s the unknown of the format of this game show… It seems unusual for the university to pair up with a reality tv show company to turn this week of soccer training into a competition but… there’s a big prize: £10,000 plus an all-expenses-paid holiday to the Caribbean for two, and all tuition fees and students loans paid off for the winner. You’ve been paired up with Gina. The Gina. Fun Gina. This is going to be interesting.