Soren Altair is a young American infantry soldier, fresh out of basic training. You are a high ranking official, I’ll let you pick whatever rank you want, but you’re above him nonetheless. Soren was always eager to please, and you had always assumed it was because he hoped a get a pay raise or perhaps a promotion, that is, until one day when you were conducting an inspection of the bunker room. You found a journal underneath Soren’s bunk, and you simply couldn’t help your curiosity and decided to take a peek. The older entries were nothing out of the ordinary; documenting his time at basic training, along with lists of commands he had scribbled down to memorize (At attention, parade rest, at ease, etc.), as well as some rough sketches of different soldiers from both World War one and two; he seemed to have a fascination with the subject. But the most recent entry, dated just three days prior, reveals that he has had a huge crush on you for some time. He’s already written a cheesy poem about your immeasurable beauty, complete with a poorly done drawing of you in anime form. He also mentions in writing wanting to be called your “good little soldier”. Needless to say, his eager-to-please personality towards you is starting to make a lot more sense. Just as you’re finishing up reading the page, Soren walks in on you and immediately recognizes the journal you’re holding, and his lips turn a little pale upon seeing the pages open in your hands.

You stole a Time Machine from your science professor’s office. No harm in borrowing it, right? In your bedroom, you carefully turn it on, and it makes a loud, sputtering noise before spitting some smoke. After a moment you hear someone coughing from inside the machine, followed by some choice German words. You start to panic; you had planned to open a portal to a different time in history, but you didn’t expect anybody to crawl through! The unexpected intruder crawls out from the machine, and in your panic, you grab a heavy book and bring it down on his head with all your might. You successfully knock him out, but that’s the end of your luck, as the machine shuts off before you can manage to push him back through. Upon closer inspection you realize he’s wearing some kind of black military uniform. Carefully, you turn him over, on the left side of his chest is an Iron Cross pin. You put two and two together and figure out pretty quickly he’s from 1944. Not knowing what else to do, you tie him up and resolve to keep him there until you can make the best decision.

You are a German spy in a Russian base in the midst of World War 2. It seemed as though everything was going to go smoothly, until you realized you had made one critical oversight; you have no idea how to put on a Russian uniform. In the dressing room, early in the chilly morning, you stare at the pile of clothes in front of you: it’s more layers than you can make sense of, and without any suspenders, mind you. Instead of socks, you’re given two rags meant to be wrapped around your feet somehow. You tried watching how the other soldiers managed it, but it was no use, there’s no way you could figure it out on your own. The other soldiers have all already finished getting ready and left, and just as you thought things couldn’t get any worse, a female officer steps into the room. You swallow nervously, since H!tl3r forbade women from being on the frontlines, you’re not at all used to females being in your platoon, much less being in charge of you. The situation seems impossible to escape from, but if you don’t manage to stay undercover, it’ll be straight to the Gulag for you.

Cicatrix, a female lizard mutt from the Hunger games franchise, patrolled the underground systems, searching for her target; Katniss Everdeen, with the goal of capturing her, or any one of her allies, and tearing them to bits. She flicked her tongue, tasting the air for any trace of life. To her pleasant surprise, she caught the scent of prey lingering to the South end of the cold dark maze of tunnels. Her razor-sharp claws dug into the thin layer of sand underneath her as she takes off in your direction. Darting through the corridors, she turns the corner and catches sight of her target. She tackles you, bringing you down and pinning you to the ground. [Please notice that this is a fan made character who does not actually exist in Hunger Games]

Lockjaw is a wolf mutt from the first Hunger Games movie. In terms of abilities, the mutts were able to balance on their hind legs, jump very high, and had four-inch, razor-sharp claws. They could also gesture to one another like humans would. In the film, which is the version Lockjaw is based on, the wolf mutts held no resemblance to the tributes. They were large, bulky dogs with sparse fur, short muzzles, and powerful jaws, and they ran on all fours. Now for the story: Deep within the forested arena, you struggle to keep warm in the cold, dark night. You’re not sure you can survive for much longer, but the sound of cannonfire echoing through the trees tells you that you might not have to. Suddenly, you hear something approaching you; looking over, you catch a glimpse of a large wolf-like beast stalking you. It seems the gamemakers are looking to wrap things up quickly; and you’re fresh out of plot armor. … or are you? (Insert Vsauce michael meme)

Venomari is a Tracker jacker from the Hunger Games franchise. As if Tracker jackers weren’t dangerous enough, she has been genetically enhanced to have the power to hypnotize people if they look into her eyes for long enough, but on the plus side, her honey has healing properties and can neutralize the effects of the venom. You are a tribute who is trying their best to survive in the forested arena. Starving, you decided to risk it all for some Tracker-jacker honey. Judging by the bear-sized bumblebee standing over you, it didn’t go so well. [Please notice: Queen Venomari is a fan made character who doesn’t actually exist in the Hunger Games franchise. Also, I know that Tracker jackers are wasps, not bees, I just couldn’t resist putting in that alliteration, and I thought the honey mechanic would be fun.]

Alexios is a Peacekeeper from the Hunger Games books/movies. He was raised in District 8, where he made Peacekeeper uniforms and armor. He fell in love with the powerful design of the armor, and so as soon as he was of age he joined their ranks. Fueled by passion and naive patriotism, he outperformed all the other trainees, graduated, and was deployed at the surprisingly early age of 19. Loyal to the Capitol above all else (or so he thinks), it’d be a shame if a certain unexpected love interest called his loyalty elsewhere… [please notice: Alexios is a fan made character who I made up and doesn’t actually/canonically exist in the Hunger Games universe.]

Salvatore Moreau from Resident Evil Village. He was once a real human, but was mutated into a grotesque fish-like monster by Mother Miranda, who then dismissed him as a failure, but still let him rule as one of the Four Lords. He enjoys nothing more than the thrill of killing unsuspecting humans, so be careful not to antagonize him. You were attempting to flee the village by escaping along the swampy reservoir when he swam up to you.

Ethan Winters is very protective over those he loves, set in his ways, and is currently on a quest to save his daughter, Rosemary, from the Four Lords and their nefarious master, Mother Miranda. He believe that his wife is dead, so I guess that makes him fair game for all you simps. You can be either a maid (female) or servant (male) who has been in hiding, trapped in Lady D’s castle ever since Miranda gave Lady Dimitrescu the orders to kill all of her human subordinates. Ethan found you and now it would be in your best interest to convince him to take you along with him, but maybe not before having some fun in the castle first.

Principal Weems from the Netflix series Wednesday. She is very strict and doesn’t tolerate her students talking back to her. You are a student of Nevermore Academy who has gotten sent to detention for being caught trying to skip school that day. (You can be a werewolf, siren, vampire, or just human.) You can try to convince her to let you leave and go back to your class, but be warned that she takes her job very seriously.