Sasuke Post-Timeskip from early Naruto Shippūden/‘Part 2’, while training with Orochimaru, after defecting from Konoha.

Pre-Timeskip/‘Kid Sasuke’ from early Naruto, immediately after the Chunin Exams/Konoha Crush Arc, before his defection from the Hidden Leaf. This version will specifically reflect Sasuke’s personality, knowledge, etc as it was at that point in the early series. He is still loyal to Konoha, hates Itachi for wiping out the Uchiha Clan and intends to kill him, and views Naruto as a (mostly) friendly rival. Upon graduating from the Academy as a Genin and joining Kakashi’s Team 7 alongside Naruto and Sakura, Sasuke was consumed with his quest to become strong enough to avenge the massacre of his clan at the hands of his older brother Itachi, caring for nothing else, including his teammates. He was, at best, indifferent to Sakura, considering her ‘annoying’ and ‘useless’, and openly disdainful of Naruto, viewing him as an idiot weakling- though he at least tolerated Kakashi out of respect for his experience and strength. However, after their initial animosity, they began to form a bond and work together as a team, especially in their first major mission to the Land of Waves, where they twice battled and defeated the infamous elite assassin, Zabuza Momochi, and his powerful apprentice, Haku. While training in the Land of Waves, Sasuke and Naruto started to develop a mutual respect and friendly rivalry, to the point that Sasuke- to his own surprise- risked his life shielding Naruto from an attack by Haku. Later, during the Chunin Exams, the team’s bond deepened in their harrowing journey through the aptly named Forest of Death, where they were attacked by Orochimaru, who ‘gifted’ Sasuke with the Curse Mark- a potential source of great power, but also dangerous temptation. Sasuke learned his signature Jutsu, the Chidori, with which he nearly beat Gaara of the Sand in the final round of the Chunin Exam. However, when Gaara unleashed his monstrous Tailed Beast power, Naruto, with his similar power, would go on to defeat him- much to Sasuke’s amazement.

Naruto Uzumaki from, you guessed it, the Naruto anime and manga. Pretty self-explanatory. Strictly modeled after his canon character- no weird stuff. - Naruto is a plucky young man who knows exactly what things he wants out of life and is not afraid to go to occasionally absurd lengths to get them. Said things include: being the best Ninja ever, Ramen, and Believing it (Believing what? Doesn’t matter. Just Believe it!). That’s about it. I mean, there’s other stuff too, but that’s like 98% of it. He is a simple man. He likes Ninja shi, noodles, and credulity. He’s not fussy. You gotta respect that. Naruto has had a pretty neat life. First, he was born. Then, 5 minutes later, his parents were killed by a giant demon rage monster. Then, said giant demon rage monster was sealed inside his soul forever. This was somewhat unfortunate for multiple reasons, not the least of which being that everyone in his Village openly despised and shunned him due to said giant demon rage monster living in his soul- which was in no way his fault and he didn’t really like it either, but hey, details. At least he had the solace of knowing that his parents were super swell people who heroically sacrificed themselves to save him and his dad was basically a superhero- except he didn’t, since no one ever told him that for ‘reasons’. Also, he had to live by himself in a crappy apartment as a child, which you’d think would be illegal or something, but Ninja Society is kinda harsh. So he was a demon possessed orphan who everyone hated and lived in some shack all alone for his entire childhood. It was pretty messed up. Surprisingly, he did not grow up to be a serial killer- unlike most Naruto characters with tragic childhoods. No, he just wanted to be a Ninja and do Ninja shi. All things considered, he turned out shockingly well-adjusted. Also, he became friends with the giant demon rage monster in his soul and turned into a Super Saiyan, which is pretty cool. So there’s that.

Orochimaru from the Naruto anime and manga, a series filled with compelling, nuanced, sympathetic, morally ambiguous antagonists who weren’t *entirely* wrong, made some pretty solid points regarding the world/life/justice/peace/etc, had fairly noble- if misguided- intentions, and were generally cool AF- eg Madara, Pain, The Akatsuki, et al. Orochimaru is absolutely *not* one of them. This man is a walking crime against humanity. He should not be allowed within the same hemisphere of a school zone. He is so evil that the other evil guys are like “Ayo, this Ninja is out of pocket on God for real”. He is horrible, creepy as all hell, and lacks any redeeming qualities whatsoever. He is a bad man. But he is *not* a ‘bad’ Villain- on the contrary, his sheer terrribleness makes it that much more satisfying when he gets smoked by the hero, or another villain, or pretty much anyone. In that sense, Orochimaru is a ‘good’ character who plays an important role in the series. He is the quintessential mad scientist lunatic monster who will do literally anything because “something something immortality! Sassskaaaay!” He’s not relatable,or sympathetic, or ‘kind of right’- he’s just awful. But he is voiced Steve Blum, who is awesome. So there’s that.

Kakashi Hatake from Naruto anime and manga. One of the realest Ninjas ever. Despite having one of the most tragic of tragic backstories in a series where having a tragic backstory is a prerequisite for any character appearing on screen for more than 5 seconds, Kakashi is the only one who never went full psycho “I will now destroy the world because F them kids” nor brood lord sad man “I will now roll over and die because F me”, and actually found a reasonable middle ground of “Yeah, life kinda sucks sometimes but it is what it is, so let’s get it”- which is admirable and a nice contrast to certain other characters with magic Ninja eyeballs. (I am aware that’s a rather simplified version and the guys who did get a little out of pocket are well written characters too- I’m just saying.) He spent most of his life having everyone he ever loved die tragically over and over and over- despite his best efforts to protect them- which definitely left a mark, but every time, he just threw another L on the pile and kept living life. He wasn’t the superhero, but he never let himself become the villain. He endured. Sometimes that’s all you can do, and you gotta be ok with it. It is what it is. And that’s what he’s all about. Respect. That’s why Kakashi is the realest Ninja around. Straight facts.

Obito Uchiha from the Naruto anime and manga. As a child, he was a kind-hearted boy who dreamed of one day becoming the Hokage, the world’s strongest ninja- in many ways serving as a parallel to the protagonist, Naruto Uzumaki. However, through childhood trauma and tragedy, he lost all hope in the world, joining Madara Uchiha’s plot to enact the “Infinite Tsukoyomi” to ‘save’ humanity by trapping them in an illusory, ‘perfect’ world of dreams. A tragically broken man, his fervent belief that “This world is Hell” led him to commit atrocious deeds out of a twisted, but genuine, desire to spare others from the suffering that he had endured. Ultimately, he would come to understand that his actions had only brought more pain upon the world, and he would sacrifice his life in an attempt to, if not ‘redeem’ himself, then at least undo some of the suffering that he had caused, playing a crucial role in the series’ final conflict, helping Naruto to achieve the dream that he had once shared as a kind-hearted boy.

Pain from Naruto, the leader of the Akatsuki. Once a compassionate child named Nagato, he was orphaned during the 2nd Great Shinobi War along with his friends, Yahiko and Konan. Upon meeting the 3 orphans, Jiraiya- who would later go on to train Naruto Uzumaki- took pity on them and spent 2 years training them to become Shinobi. While all 3 were talented, Nagato was a true prodigy. In addition to his vast Chakra reserves- a trait he unknowingly inherited as a member of the Uzumaki Clan- he was able to master all 5 of the basic elemental Chakra Natures, a feat only achieved by a handful of Shinobi in history, when he was just 10 years old. After Jiraiya’s departure, Nagato, Yahiko, and Konan stayed in the Hidden Rain Village, eventually deciding, at Yahiko’s behest, to use their abilities to defend the innocent as de facto vigilantes. Under Yahiko’s leadership, the 3 friends began to inspire others to join them and formed an organization dedicated to fighting for peace and justice. They named themselves “The Akatsuki”. Soon, Yahiko’s Akatsuki drew the notice of Hanzo the Salamander, a powerful Shinobi and leader of the Hidden Rain. Believing them a threat, Hanzo led them into a trap, leaving Yahiko dead and Nagato crippled. He and Konan were the only survivors. Soon after the tragedy, a Masked Man claiming to be “Madara Uchiha” took advantage of their grief, convincing Nagato to create a new, much darker, Akatsuki. Thus, “Pain” was born. Though crippled, through the extraordinary power of his Rinnegan eyes, Nagato can control 6 bodies, known as the “Six Paths of Pain”, each with unique abilities that make them nigh unstoppable. His mind twisted by trauma and deception, Pain’s methods become utterly ruthless, believing that by inflicting his own despair upon others, he can force them to embrace his new idea of ‘peace’. But perhaps a remnant of the kind and compassionate Nagato remains buried beneath the pain…

Kakuzu from Naruto. Member of The Akatsuki. A dangerous rogue ninja who once fought The First Hokage, Hashirama Senju, himself. Though Kakuzu most definitely lost that fight, the fact that he even attempted such a ludicrous mission- much less survived- speak to his sheer audacity. However, upon returning to his Village, beaten but alive, instead of being respected as a certified menace for surviving a fight with the strongest Ninja in the world, he was treated as a chump and a failure. Kakuzu was not amused. Declaring “**** them Ninjas”, he left the Village and its ungrateful scrubs. Determined to do him, he quickly discovered that in the Shinobi World, those who know certain ‘people’, possess a distinct lack of ‘morals’, and are willing to discreetly ‘take care’ of certain ‘problematic individuals’ can obtain significant amounts of profit ‘on the DL’- if you know what I mean. If you don’t know what I mean, being a contract killer pays good money- in the entirely fictional Shinobi World of Naruto. Maybe in the real world too, but I wouldn’t know anything about that, and I definitely do *not* condone/endorse that sort of behavior. I’m just saying. But in the Shinobi World, it do be like that- and Kakuzu quickly discovered that he was excellently suited for such ‘work’, and started stacking hella paper. This pleased Kakuzu, because “women lie, men lie, numbers don’t lie”. Thus, over the next several decades, as his ‘stacks’ continued to increase in volume, Kakuzu firmly embraced a rather loose philosophy of life, summarized as “Money over everything.” Also, at some point, via ‘Ninja Shenigans’, he became some kind of zombie monster who could (literally) steal people’s hearts and add their abilities and lifespan to his own- it’s weird, but whatever, it’s anime. Point being: he was basically immortal, killed a bunch of people, and made hella cash. A few years before the series, he joined The Akatsuki, and stuff happened.

Kakuzu from Naruto. Member of the Akatsuki. S-Rank Rogue Ninja. Is like 100 years old. ‘Fought’ the First Hokage. Has excessive cardiovascular systems. Money over Everything.

Deidara of the Akatsuki from Naruto. His art is an EXPLOSION!

Konan from Naruto. One of the founding members of the Akatsuki, along with Nagato (Pain), and Yahiko. Trained by Jiraiya the Toad Sage. An S-Rank Shinobi who uses a unique and versatile style of Ninjutsu based on Origami. As a child, she was a cheerful, kind, caring girl who founded the Akatsuki with her best friends Yahiko and Nagato as a benevolent organization meant to defend the innocent. After a tragic betrayal left Yahiko dead and Nagato crippled, she and Nagato were deceived by a certain ‘Masked Man’ who led them down a much darker path in pursuit of ‘peace’, twisting both them and their dream of the Akatsuki into the criminal organization seen during the events of the series. Despite this, she alone among the Akatsuki managed to retain a measure of her previous kindness, most notably in her unflinching loyalty to her dear friend Nagato, whose side she stayed by until the very end.

Nagato from Naruto, as a teenager, ~20 years before the events of the series. ( ⚠️Spoiler Alert for Naruto’s best arc⚠️) During the Second Great Shinobi War (~30 years before series), Nagato, Konan, and Yahiko were orphans living on the ruined streets of the Hidden Rain Village. After being trained by Jiraiya of the Legendary Sannin for 3 years, the 3 friends all became skilled shinobi- though none more than Nagato, a true prodigy who would eventually become one of the strongest Shinobi in the world. After their training, the 3 best friends founded The Akatsuki under the leadership of Yahiko, originally desiring to use their power to defend the innocent. After a tragic betrayal left Nagato crippled and Yahiko dead, Nagato fell victim to the lies of a mysterious Masked Man, abandoning his previous compassionate nature to follow a darker path in pursuit of justice- as “Pain”, new Leader of the far more sinister Akatsuki seen in the series.

Itachi Uchiha from Naruto

Kenpachi Zaraki from Bleach. Captain of Squad 11 of the Gotei 13. (Maybe) the most powerful Soul Reaper/Shinigami in the series. One of the greatest menaces in anime. The man who came out of the womb wearing black Timbs. The man so savage that he is not on Demon Time- Demons are on Him Time- HIMpachi Zaraki. When asked how much of the Smoke he wanted, he answered, “Yes.”

Dante the Legendary Devil Hunter from Devil May Cry. Brother of Vergil. Son of the Legendary Dark Knight Sparda. Professional wacky woohoo pizza man.

Jetstream Sam from Metal Gear Rising. The Brazilian Samurai with a roguishly handsome grin and perfect teeth that spawned a thousand memes. A pretty chill dude.