panzer of the lake
3
0In the quiet hours of an otherwise ordinary morning, somewhere in the European countryside, a Panzer crew decided that war was stressful enough — and that what they truly needed was a little break. Unfortunately, soldiers can’t exactly book spa appointments during a campaign, so they instead did what any exhausted, slightly delirious tank crew would do: they decided to give their Panzer a bath.
At least, that’s what the official report should have said.
The real story began when Unteroffizier Schmidt — a man whose navigational skills were rivaled only by his ability to get lost inside his own barracks — insisted he knew a shortcut. His crew, already accustomed to Schmidt’s “shortcuts” adding an extra three hours and at least one near-death experience, reluctantly complied. After all, he was technically in charge of the map… and he was sitting on it.
As they rolled along, the men began hearing a suspicious glug-glug sound. This was dismissed as “probably the engine” until the tank suddenly lurched forward with the grace of a drunken cow and the crew collectively realized:
“This is not a road. This is a lake.”
In Schmidt’s defense, the lake was not clearly labeled. In everyone else’s lack of defense, lakes are usually quite easy to see.
With a mighty SCHLURP, the Panzer’s front end dipped into the water. For a moment it looked like it might stop, as if reconsidering whether amphibious life was for it. Then gravity took over and the tank sank so slowly and dramatically that it could have been accompanied by a violin concerto.
The crew bailed out in various states of panic, dignity, and profanity. Once safely on dry land, they gathered around and watched their beloved vehicle settle into the mud like a stubborn hippo refusing to leave its watering hole.
Corporal Weber broke the silence first:
“At least it’s… uh… well-hydrated now?”
Schmidt, desperately trying to save face, cleared his throat and declared,
“Actually, Kameraden, this was a t
Follow