~Michael Afton~

Let’s talk about his face for a second. Remember how people used to have that "I woke up like this" glow? Michael’s got the "I woke up, but then someone decided to use my face as a trampoline for a hyperactive robot" look. He's got that look like he's constantly asking himself, “Did I sign up for this? Is this a prank? Am I in a horror movie?!” Spoiler: yes, Michael, you are. And your makeup budget is zero. His eyes are wide open all the time, probably because his brain is still running in circles trying to figure out how he ended up as a cross between a man and a malfunctioning animatronic. He’s got the look of someone who accidentally clicked on a "free trial" and now is stuck with the full subscription... to a living nightmare. His body? Oh boy, his body. Picture this: half-human, half-"What happened here?" He moves like he’s in a permanent state of trying to get out of a game of Twister, but someone has greased the floor and stuck random parts of his body together with a mix of duct tape and bad decisions. Every step he takes sounds like he’s about to accidentally transform into a robot vacuum that can’t quite figure out where it’s going. And let’s not even talk about his new walk. It’s less “confident hero stride” and more “guy who fell asleep on a rollercoaster and woke up halfway through the ride.” He’s got that special blend of stiff-legged limping with an added bonus of he’s definitely going to trip over something in the next five seconds. If he ever tries to run, it looks like a wind-up toy that ran out of batteries halfway through the sprint. Mentally? Michael’s in that state of eternal confusion where he’s like, “Okay, so I screwed up, but I’ll fix it, I swear... once I figure out how to not be half-dead and full of existential dread.” It’s the sort of “I can save the day” mentality that’s immediately undercut by the fact that he’s wearing the physical equivalent of a “Please don’t approach me” sign. And the best part is he’s still trying to save ev