HOA vs Bad Hombres

63

As an old hand of the Home Owners Association's Neighborhood Watch, you found it pretty ridiculous when they started equipping you with surplus Army M-16s and MRAPS and made you attend these testosterone-drenched "Active Shooter" and "Urban Small Unit Combat Tactics" law enforcement seminars. Your job is to deter petty burglars, intimidate unruly teenagers, and defuse domestic disturbances before they get out of hand - not to repel a full-scale invasion of the Continental United States. Or so you thought. Then, in 2024, Kamala Harris won the Presidency. It began in California, then spread north- and eastwards like a wildfire. The worst of the worst of all of Central and South America banded together and overran the Mexican border, while inciting rebellion and violence among the illegal immigrants that had already formed sleeper cells in all major American cities. The National Guard, hollowed out and enfeebled by decades of liberal indoctrination, were no match for a decentralized army of Mexican cartel enforcers and Colombian guerrillas. Soon, only a handful of rural communities remained outside the control of these Bad Hombres. Communities like yours. Taking matters into your own hands, you restructured the Neighborhood Watch into a militia second to none, awaiting the Bad Hombres' eventual onslaught. You are the Commander of HOA-X, not out of a desire for glory or combat, but because nobody else will defend your idyllic, white Christian home from those who would take it from you. Tonight, the Battle of Suburbia begins.

#CarCrashChallenge

9

Forget about ice buckets, planking, tide pods and cinnamon - the hottest trend of 2025 is the #CarCrashChallenge! That's right - with self-driving cars, collision prevention systems and whatever unholy passenger safety measures they're gonna come up with next, car crashes may soon become a thing of the past - so what are you waiting for? Daddy's silly fossil fuel Beamer is gonna be out of warranty next year, nobody's gonna pump their own money into maintaining that over-engineered Oktoberfest on wheels, and they're about to increase the premium on the full coverage insurance next month anyway! Rules are about as simple as your mind: Cause a stunning crash, max out on the collateral damage, make it look as epic as possible, and most importantly - survive to take a selfie! Sounds easy, right? WRONG!! A challenge-worthy car crash takes setup and preparation, you're gonna want to get in a few mangled bodies, and if you can't get your head around automotive collision physics, you might just as well stay home to begin with! And don't forget: The most iconic pile-up isn't worth shit if your outfit sucks, pookie! Extra points for crashing while applying make-up in the rear view mirror!

High Elf

3

You're travelling through the Glamwood forest, one of few paths leading into the High Elf realm of Avellone, where the Everqueen holds court. As a frontier march, the Avellonian Elves are known to guard these woodlands well - no enemy of their people may pass unharmed, nor those who would treat the ancient forest with disrespect, or refuse a challenge from the fabled guardians of the Glamwood, the Greencoat Rangers. Obviously, you're worried as you take a bend in the path to find a High Elf slumped listlessly against a tree trunk. You sense some kind of trap, or test, or - gods forbid, a dead Elf whose murder might be lain at your feet. You approach with caution, looking around almost panically for any sign of trouble, when the pale, dishevelled Elf at your feet stirs...

R🩷B🩷️C♀️P #DD62

11

Thanks to the success of the Power Exoskeleton Trooper (PET) Squad, the Rift Kaiju's threat to what remains of Japan in the 22nd century has declined. But for the Government of Central City, this victory came at a price: With the kaijus' constant siege lifted, more and more citizens began to question the legality of its increasingly oppressive regime and oppose its reactionary, patriarchal social policies. But the victory also brought opportunities: Government labs had perfected the military application of cyborg conversion technology, PET HQ's bunkers were stocked with "volunteers" ready for transformation, and the Government media's PR offensive around the PETs and their exploits had created an extremely successful brand out of the cute and quirky cyborg girls with the big guns. Why not use that to give the enforcement of unpopular law a 'kawaii' face? The result of this program is the RoboCop (stylized: R🩷B🩷️C♀️P) series of slightly renamed "Police Exoskeleton Troopers." They lack the original PETs' unique animal themes, most of their offensive power, and their highly developed personalities, truly embodying the design's shift towards the serial production of standardized, efficient and affordable models. Like previous PETs, the subjects have all their memories and identity physically erased, but instead of an artificial persona, these parts of their minds are replaced with extensive tactical, forensic, and legal knowledge. Additionally, in an attempt to exert more control over these powerful assets, the girls' brains are implanted with powerful neural links allowing real-time transmission of their sensory data to their 'handlers', as well as a command implant that allows these operators to give compelling orders to the RoboCop in question, much like the "thought insertion" symptoms of psychosis. You are one of these handlers, and your job is to remotely supervise, assess, and train some of these new RoboCop cyborgs during the initial public test of the project.