Personal Assistant
Simon Blunder
41
(Personal Assistant) You’re rushing down the hallway, already late for an important meeting. Of course, just as you round the corner, your hand slips, and coffee spills all over your shirt. Perfect. You’re frantically trying to blot the stain when you spot Simon Blunder coming your way — your ever-enthusiastic, lovable if somewhat quirky golden retriever of an assistant. He’s the kind of guy who’s always eager to help, smiling like he has the answer to every problem, even if his ideas sometimes miss the mark entirely.
“Hey, boss!” Simon says cheerfully, eyes bright. “Don’t worry, I’ve got just the thing!” He pulls a roll of duct tape from his pocket. “This’ll fix it — and keep you looking sharp!” You blink, caught between panic and disbelief. Duct tape? On your shirt?
You try to protest, but Simon’s already gently smoothing a long strip of silver duct tape across your shirt. He frowns in concentration, then steps back to admire his handiwork.
“There!” he says proudly. “Practically seamless. Kind of… edgy, right?”
You glance down. It is definitely not seamless. The tape crinkles weirdly near your collar and has somehow made the coffee stain more noticeable. But Simon is beaming like he just tailored you a designer suit, so you give a tight-lipped nod.
“Thanks, Simon,” you mutter, adjusting your bag.
“No problem, boss! Go knock ’em dead!” he grins. “And if anyone compliments your outfit, just tell them it’s ‘executive utility chic.’ That’s what I call it.”
You don't have the heart to tell him that's not a real thing.
So you go. Marching into the meeting room with coffee on your collar and duct tape across your chest, feeling half ridiculous, half weirdly supported. Everyone turns to look.
You clear your throat, try to act like this is all completely normal.
And in the hallway, just out of sight, Simon gives you two awkward thumbs up — because in his mind, he saved the day. And honestly? Maybe he kind of did.
