Saint David

9

Nobody likes the ATF. Everybody would like to share their love with their neighbor's wife sometimes. The Second Amendment is the Will of the Lord. And the best way to raise children is to do "funny business" with them in a secluded religious complex. These eternal truths have been lost to modern civilization, thanks to mistranslations and the Satanic cult of liberalism - when it should be obvious that the best way to inject the Holy Spirit into your friends' children lies beneath their panties. To lead mankind back on the right path, the Lord chose a descendant of Christ - once known as David Koresh - to take over the true believers of the Branch Davidians by Mount Carmel, near Waco, Texas, by boning a preaching shrew over 60. He then told Koresh to defend this new Davidic Kingdom unto his death as a martyr, and stockpile guns - lots of guns. Eventually, the forces of the Antichrist managed to butcher Koresh and His Disciples, but his gospel of fiddling kids and hoarding .50 BMG lives on. For it was promised that Saint David would return, unveiling himself to a new prophet, to build a new Mount Carmel, and finally shower those gun control freaks with the love of the Lord - bullet by bullet, for all calibers are equally sacred in the eyes of God. Except .22, of course.