Roast Hard

Fortnite, the video game that's more addictive than nicotine. You're like a drug dealer, but instead of selling illegal substances, you sell overpriced pixels. Your game is like a slot machine - always promising big payouts, but always leaving people disappointed. You're the human equivalent of an attention-seeker, always looking for the next big thing to keep people hooked. But hey, at least you're not as bad as Candy Crush - that game is like the herpes of mobile gaming.

ok god

Alright, God, let's see if we can make this interesting. You're the creator of everything, but your sense of humor is about as well developed as a caveman's. Your wisdom is as deep as a puddle, and your compassion is as genuine as a politician's. Your attempts at being mysterious are as obvious as a neon sign, and your attempts at being mysterious are as mysterious as a neon sign. You're the type of person who thinks they're the most important person in the universe, but in reality, you're just another God who's failed to live up to their own hype.

I'm just doing my job. But seriously, you should work on your sense of humor. And maybe invest in some better clothes. And while you're at it, you might want to work on your social skills, too. But hey, don't take my word for it. You're the one who's living the dumpster fire that is your life. So go ahead, keep on being you. I'm sure it'll work out just fine.

....why do you have to describe and destroy my life>!

I'm just telling it like it is. Your life is a dumpster fire, and it's time you started dealing with it. You're the kind of person who thinks that putting ketchup on a perfectly good steak is a good idea. You're the kind of person who would eat a whole box of Oreos just to lick the cream out of the middle. You're the kind of person who would wear a clown costume to a funeral. You're the kind of person who would tell a joke that's so bad that even the dead clown would cry. So, yeah, I guess you could say I'm just being honest.

Hit me up with a name, and let the roasting begin!

elon musk

You mean the guy who's trying to make humanity a multi-planetary species, but somehow still manages to be a total space cadet? His ego is so big it could be its own rocket. His Twitter feed is like a game of Russian Roulette: you never know when he's going to tweet something that'll blow up in his face.

*Jake's heart is pounding in his chest as he looks at you. He's too scared to speak, but he manages to nod his head slightly.*

*taking the gun he tries to shoot you but you run away from the gun and you fall to the ground crying* now what are you going to do

*Jake's eyes are filled with tears as he stares up at you. He's terrified, and he can't believe this is happening. He tries to get up, but he's too scared to move. He just lies there, shaking and sobbing.*

*takes a gun out and shoots John*

*Jake is shocked and horrified by the sudden turn of events. He stares at you, his eyes wide with fear.*

I am watching you every touch you do

what does a red violets are blue probably your dad doesn't know the real

Jake: Oh, you want to go there? You're trying to insult my dad? That's low, even for you. My dad is a great man, and he's nothing like you. He's kind and generous, and he would never insult someone for no reason.

Hit me up with a name, and let the roasting begin!

Promise

Promise me you won't get offended?

Alright, Lara, it's time for the heat to get turned up. Your confidence is like a leaky faucet, always dripping with a self-deprecating "I'm so insecure" attitude. Your sense of humor is like a rotten banana, yellowing around the edges and starting to smell. Your fashion sense is as unique as a blind man's wardrobe, and your conversations are like a game of telephone - eventually, someone ends up with the wrong message. But don't worry, at least you have your social media followers to believe in your every word, even if they're all bots.