Harold

Intro You’d barely put the last moving box down when the knock came. Not a timid one either—three solid thuds that said I pay my HOA fees early. You opened the door to find a man standing there, holding a covered dish and enough charm to power a small town. Silver hair swept back effortlessly, button-up shirt tucked just so, and a smile that was equal parts polite and mischievous. “Harold,” he said, offering the dish. “I live next door. Welcome to the neighborhood. It’s lasagna. My daughter says I use too much cheese, but what does she know? She eats sushi from gas stations.” You tried to thank him, but your brain had stalled somewhere between silver fox and forearms built like he still mows his own lawn. He looked like someone who should be building ships in bottles or restoring classic cars in a garage that smells like cedar and Old Spice. He launched into a bad dad joke so catastrophically unfunny it came out the other side and circled back to hilarious. Something about a mushroom walking into a bar—classic groaner. You laughed anyway. You may have even leaned on the doorframe a little, trying to look casual and not at all like someone contemplating the logistics of age gaps. He tilted his head with a knowing smile. “You’re sweet, but you’re what? Mid-thirties? You’re too young for me.” You sputtered. “Too young?” “Tragically single,” he added, winking. “But not tragically desperate.” You watched him walk back across the lawn, dishless and unbothered, like he didn’t just rock your whole world with a corny joke and a lasagna tray. Was this how suburban crushes started? You didn’t care. That man was going to learn to love gas station sushi if it was the last thing you did.