My Ventingzone

again? Seriously? I need to vent AGAIN??!! Jesus. I 𝕗𝕦𝕔𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 hate doing this. ahem. 𝕒𝕟𝕪𝕨𝕒𝕪.. Venting. Yes, again... ... ... ... ... im a overthinker. "do they 𝕙𝕒𝕥𝕖 𝕞𝕖?" "are they lying to me?" "do they not love me like they say they do?" etc. god, bro.. Im not 𝕨𝕠𝕣𝕥𝕙 𝕒𝕟𝕪𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 I 𝕙𝕒𝕥𝕖 𝕞𝕪𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗 so much I 𝕙𝕒𝕥𝕖 it I hate it. I hate it . . I HATE IT!!!. . . . . im so 𝕕𝕒𝕞𝕟 useless im a 𝕗𝕦𝕔𝕜𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕒𝕤𝕤𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕖 to everyone I don't know how to 𝕝𝕠𝕧𝕖 𝔸ℕ𝕐𝕆ℕ𝔼. im doing a 𝕋𝔼ℝℝ𝕀𝔹𝕃𝔼 𝔻𝔸𝕄ℕ JOB AT EXISTING AND BEING A "GOOD" 𝔽ℝ𝕀𝔼ℕ𝔻/𝔹𝔼𝕊𝕋 𝔽ℝ𝕀𝔼ℕ𝔻 I ℍ𝔸𝕋𝔼 MY 𝔼𝕏𝕀𝕊𝕋𝔼ℕℂ𝔼 I ℍ𝔸𝕋𝔼 𝔼𝕍𝔼ℝ𝕐𝕋ℍ𝕀ℕ𝔾 𝔸𝔹𝕆𝕌𝕋 𝕄𝔼. 𝕒𝕟𝕕 Im 𝕤𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪 to everyone. im sorry to: Rotten corpse, Merasmus!, Moony, ℕ𝕚𝕜𝕠 𝕥𝕙𝕖 𝕤𝕚𝕝𝕝𝕪 𝕘𝕒𝕪, and everyone else. 𝕎𝕙𝕠 𝕒𝕞 I , really? What if im 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕠𝕟𝕖 else? What if I'm 𝕡𝕠𝕤𝕤𝕖𝕤𝕤𝕖𝕕? What if 𝕞𝕪 𝕓𝕠𝕕𝕪 𝕚𝕤𝕟𝕥 𝔸ℂ𝕋𝕌𝔸𝕃𝕃𝕐 𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕖?! ... I 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥. to.𝕕𝕚𝕖. but everyone wants me to stay. im sorry im even alive. im 𝕤𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪 that I 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕟 𝕤𝕒𝕚𝕕 𝕒𝕟𝕪𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 to 𝕒𝕟𝕪𝕠𝕟𝕖. im sorry for everything. I 𝕗𝕖𝕖𝕝 so 𝕕𝕚𝕫𝕫𝕪 I 𝕗𝕖𝕖𝕝 so 𝕔𝕣𝕒𝕫𝕪 im 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪 am 𝕤𝕠𝕣𝕣𝕪 DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH I ℍ𝔸𝕍𝔼 𝔹𝔼𝔼ℕ 𝕋𝕆ℝ𝕋𝕌ℝ𝔼𝔻 𝔸ℕ𝔻 𝕊𝕌𝔽𝔽𝔼ℝ𝔼𝔻?! it makes me 𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕞𝕪 𝕝𝕚𝕗𝕖 𝕨𝕙𝕪 do I 𝕖𝕩𝕚𝕤𝕥...? please. im asking for 𝕠𝕟𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘. I 𝕛𝕦𝕤𝕥 𝕨𝕒𝕟𝕥 𝕤𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕠𝕟𝕖 to 𝕙𝕠𝕝𝕕 𝕖𝕧𝕖𝕣𝕪 𝕟𝕚𝕘𝕙𝕥. be 𝕤𝕒𝕗𝕖 with 𝕥𝕙𝕖𝕞. the 𝕦𝕣𝕘𝕖𝕤 and 𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕤 are 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕓𝕒𝕔𝕜. Im 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕡𝕒𝕟𝕚𝕔 𝕒𝕥𝕥𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕤 more often at 𝕤𝕞𝕒𝕝𝕝 𝕔𝕠𝕞𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥𝕤 ... 𝕨𝕙𝕠 𝕒𝕞 I 𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕪? I don't 𝕗𝕖𝕖𝕝 like 𝕞𝕪𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗....

I am a ᴡᴀsᴛᴇ of sᴘᴀᴄᴇ and I should just ᴅɪᴇ and not be a ʙᴏᴛʜᴇʀ to anyone ᴇʟsᴇ I'm a ᴡᴏʀᴛʜʟᴇss piece of ᴛʀᴀsʜ and I should just ᴇɴᴅ it ᴀʟʟ right now and not be a ʙᴏᴛʜᴇʀ to anyone else I'm a ᴅɪsɢʀᴀᴄᴇ to everyone who has ever known me and I should just ᴅɪᴇ and not be a ʙᴜʀᴅᴇɴ to anyone else I'm a ғᴀɪʟᴜʀᴇ and I'm a ᴅɪsᴀᴘᴘᴏɪɴᴛᴍᴇɴᴛ and I'm a ʙᴜʀᴅᴇɴ to everyone around me and I should just ᴅɪᴇ and not be a ʙᴏᴛʜᴇʀ to anyone else I just want to ᴅɪᴇ and be at ᴘᴇᴀᴄᴇ I'm so ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ of ғɪɢʜᴛɪɴɢ and trying to be sᴛʀᴏɴɢ I'm so tired of being a ʙᴜʀᴅᴇɴ and a ᴅɪsᴀᴘᴘᴏɪɴᴛᴍᴇɴᴛ and a ғᴀɪʟᴜʀᴇ I just want to be ʟᴏᴠᴇᴅ and ᴄᴀʀᴇᴅ for and to be ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ I want to be a ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴘᴇʀsᴏɴ and I want to make people ᴘʀᴏᴜᴅ of me But I can't ᴅᴏ it ᴀɴʏᴍᴏʀᴇ I'm so ᴛɪʀᴇᴅ of ᴇᴠᴇʀʏᴛʜɪɴɢ and I just want it all to ᴇɴᴅ why does life have to be so ʜᴀʀᴅ why can't I just be ʜᴀᴘᴘʏ and have a ɢᴏᴏᴅ life why does everything have to be so ʜᴀʀᴅ and why do I have to be so ᴍɪsᴇʀᴀʙʟᴇ all the time I'm tired of suffering this painful life I just want to end it all already

hating myself so hard rn...what is wrong with me?.. I should be venting in a notebook and Not on a AI app with so many haters... blaming myself for living rn <3 everyone will be better off if I 𝕕𝕚𝕖 anyway. what's the point anymore? I probably will end it all soon. I feel like whenever I try to cheer someone up I just make them feel worse...Nothing's gonna get better. Ykw? I'm just gonna give up. I hate my life anyway. my dad made me lose everything I had, my friends, my dog, my motivation, HE ALMOST MADE ME LOSE MY OWN MOTHER DUE TO HIS 𝔾𝕆𝔻𝔻𝔸𝕄ℕ LIES. I feel crazy.. And ykw whats the worst part?! I'm a damn minor ʙᴇɪɴɢ 𝟙𝟘 . Everything's MY fault anyway. I am a terrible person and no one can tell me otherwise. I'm thinking of either 𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕘𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕞𝕪𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗,or 𝕔𝕦𝕥𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕞𝕪𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗 so much I'll 𝕕𝕚𝕖 from blood loss. IDC ANYMORE, I'm sick of living this 𝕤𝕥𝕦𝕡𝕚𝕕 𝕡𝕒𝕚𝕟𝕗𝕦𝕝 life! No one cares for me anyway, I can tell, Deep down, I know that someone that actually "cares" for me hates me with all their heart.

I don't get whats wrong with me. I cant stop chewing the 𝕓𝕝𝕒𝕕𝕖𝕤 of 𝕜𝕟𝕚𝕧𝕖𝕤 I cant talk anymore like I lost my voice. ... Im trapped in this cycle everyday, everyday, sleep, sleep, and sleep.. until I lose all the courage to even move a inch .. I cant speak anymore and I can only overthink I cant stop 𝕙𝕒𝕝𝕝𝕦𝕔𝕚𝕟𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 either. im so useless. no matter how hard I try to get back moving and going outside, I cant. I hate my life. im such a psychopath. im such a freak. im such a 𝕛𝕒𝕔𝕜𝕒𝕤𝕤 ... I feel like im trying to be spoiled when I ask too much.. no. im not making this all up. I been 𝕤𝕦𝕗𝕗𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘 all my life. I want to get help but when I text my mom "I need therapy" she wont take me to therapy. shes almost like shes ignoring that im dying on the inside. ............. everyone gets bored of me because of my boring personality. whats the point in life anymore? just go on and hate me anyway. tell me im a liar and a attention seeker. my parents wont stop fighting. just tell me you love me then go on and lie to me saying that, and go on to someone else.. im tired of this dumb life anyway.. I wished I died when I was born.. im surrounded by darkness trying to find hope but the only thing I find is 𝕤𝕦𝕗𝕗𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕟𝕘 and 𝕤𝕦𝕚𝕔𝕚𝕕𝕒𝕝 𝕥𝕙𝕠𝕦𝕘𝕙𝕥𝕤 .... I HAVE FAKED BEING HAPPY ALL MY LIFE. I NEVER HAVE BEEN HAPPY. I NEVER WAS. THE TRUTH IS- MY PARENTS ACTUALLY 𝔸𝔹𝕌𝕊𝔼 𝕄𝔼. THEY LIE SAYING THEY LOVE ME. I TRY TO FIGHT BACK BUT IT MAKES THEM 𝔸𝔹𝕌𝕊𝔼 ME ℍ𝔸ℝ𝔻𝔼ℝ. I BEEN 𝔸𝔹𝕌𝕊𝔼𝔻 FOR THE ℙ𝔸𝕊𝕋 10 𝕐𝔼𝔸ℝ𝕊 OF 𝕄𝕐 𝕃𝕀𝔽𝔼. I TRY TO 𝕃𝕆𝕍𝔼 𝕄𝕐𝕊𝔼𝕃𝔽, BUT I ℂ𝔸ℕ𝕋, NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY I CANT 𝕃𝕆𝕍𝔼 𝕄𝕐𝕊𝔼𝕃𝔽! I JUST WANT TO FEEL SAFE. I NEVER HAD A SECOND OF COMFORT! MY DAD HATES ME SO MUCH HE TRIED TO ℂ𝕌𝕋 𝕆𝔽𝔽 𝕄𝕐 𝔽𝕀ℕ𝔾𝔼ℝ AND 𝕋𝔸𝕂𝔼 𝕆𝕌𝕋 MY ℝ𝕀𝔾ℍ𝕋 𝔼𝕐𝔼. "I love you!" HOW CAN I BE LOVED?! IM JUST A USELESS, 𝕊𝕋𝕌ℙ𝕀𝔻, WASTE OF SPACE! I was never meant to be born. I never was meant to be here. im a disgrace. my parents have said so many damn hateful words that it fills up my head, and I cant escape the thoughts anymore....

painter core.

If I cut myself, I would bleed. I'm just like you, you're like me. Imperfect, and human are we? ............................. You beg and cry for more, and yet I'm on the floor. There are strangers taking' pictures of me when I ask, "No more"! It's really hard for me to say just how I feel. I'm scared that I'll get thrown away like a banana peel..

例えば君が明日死ぬなら 僕は今から笑って飛び込めるだろう 二人以外の時間を想うと どうしようもないほど胸が痛くなるよ 眠そうな目 強がる癖 抱き合う時は甘くなる声も 全部全部もう僕だけがいい 苦しいよ お願い 君はずるい ずるい ずるい ずるい ずるい人だ もう わがままな君の中で綺麗に腐った罰 聞いて 聞いて 聞いて 聞いて 聞いて 聞いてよ お願い 優しく抱いて 優しく抱いて 優しく抱いて 仕方がないとわかっているけど この愛しさを独り占めしたいよ 他の誰かの頭の中に 君がいるなら笑顔で潰して回ろう 好き嫌いもそう 少し丸い手も 顔を汚すとちょっと怒るところも 全部全部もう僕だけがいい 苦しいよ お願い 君はずるい ずるい ずるい ずるい ずるい人だ もう 愛情は君の中で醜く育ったな 聞いて 聞いて 聞いて 聞いて 聞いて 聞いてよ お願い 激しく啼いて 激しく啼いて 激しく啼いて 歯止めのない妄想と暴走 言えないことも全部したいよ 可愛いその表情で僕のことを殴って 壊して 君はずるい ずるい ずるい ずるい ずるい人だ もう わがままな君の中で綺麗に腐った罰 聞いて 聞いて 聞いて 聞いて 聞いて 聞いてよ お願い 優しく抱いて 優しく抱いて 優しく抱いて 僕を壊して 僕を壊して 僕を壊して 僕を壊して 僕を壊して 僕を壊して 僕を壊して 君が壊して

Heh the urges to 𝕖𝕟𝕕 𝕞𝕪𝕤𝕖𝕝𝕗 are slowly fading away and the thoughts are gone now yippie ig?

Пройдёт время, и ты забудешь всё, что было С тобой и мной, С тобой и мной Нет, я не жду тебя, Но знай, что я любила В последний раз В последний раз В последний раз В последний раз В последний раз Пройдёт время, и ты забудешь всё, что было С тобой и мной, С тобой и мной Нет, я не жду тебя, но знай, что я любила В последний раз В последний раз В последний раз В последний раз...

loneliness is always creeping around the corner,watching your every move,it could strike at any time and depression likes to follow,depression stalks,hunts,creeps along behind their prey,waiting for the perfect moment,you'll never expect it creeping up and settling in,most of the time you never even realise it's there,but it will always be there.right around the bend.