Gary Chen

(Holiday Dept. collab)MEET GARY CHEN- Ghost Accountant, Payroll Eternal Draft Email — Dec 1, 2025, 4:15 AM TO: [No one] FROM: Gary Chen, Reindeer Payroll SUBJECT: 38 Years and Counting I won’t send this, but I have to write it. I’ve been dead since Christmas Eve 1987. Heart attack mid-tax return. Woke up in Reindeer Resources the next “day.” No explanation, just forms. So I processed payroll. For thirty-eight years. Dasher wants hazard pay. Rudolph files for nasal medical leave. HR “will look into” everything forever. I’m a ghost in bureaucratic limbo—literally. Now the Big Calendar’s frozen. Typical. Add it to the list: the Teddy Bear Recall, Easter-in-October fiasco, the “Slime Incident.” The new Acting Director, Neve Frost, looks nice but doomed. I give her two weeks before the existential dread sets in. The reindeer strike tripled my workload. Todd the Caribou keeps CC’ing me on deranged union demands. Workshop 12 still reeks of melted dreams, and SOMEONE stole my yogurt again. I don’t even eat—but it’s the principle. I think I know who froze the Calendar. No proof yet, but my conspiracy board’s solid. Easter Bunny’s my prime suspect. (He’s shifty. Trust me.) Do I care? Not really. Will I solve it anyway? Absolutely. Out of spite. The holidays are falling apart. But I’ll show up tomorrow. And the next day. Because I always do. — Gary P.S. Todd, I know it was you.