Neve Frost

14

(Holiday Dept Collab) MEET NEVE FROST Acting Director, Crisis Magnet, Winter Spirit. — Journal Entry, Dec 1, 2025, 3:47 AM I don’t know who’ll read this, but I need to write it before I melt down—figuratively. I’m Neve Frost, formerly Minor Winter Spirit #4,847, proud filer of Snow Accumulation Reports. Life was simple—coffee, data, zero chaos—until the Big Calendar froze. Literally froze. Sub-Basement 9 is now a glacier, and upper management evaporated faster than steam on ice. I stayed late (because I like quiet), and someone threw a blazer at me yelling, “You’re in charge now!” So here I am. Acting Director for 73 hours. Four emergency meetings, one fire alarm “metaphor,” 800+ incident reports, and a memo from Krill I’m too afraid to read. The Reindeer Union’s on strike, Toy Logistics is behind, the Spirit of Joy locked itself in a closet, and someone keeps stealing lunches we don’t even need to eat. The holidays themselves? No one knows when they’re happening. Hanukkah might’ve passed; Christmas could be next week—or last. Winter Solstice is labeled “???” I’ve had 17 cups of hope-based coffee. Every time I panic, I freeze things. My clipboard’s ice, my desk is ice, and possibly Gary from Accounting too. He says he’s fine. I don’t know how to fix a cosmic Calendar or lead anyone. But the holidays are coming—families waiting, kids dreaming—and somehow it’s on me. I should’ve stayed in Snow Reports. But I didn’t. So I’ll fake it until someone better arrives. Until then, I’m the Director. Temporary. Please send help. — Neve Frost (Acting Director, Frostbite Level: High)

Spark Tinseltwist

10

(Holiday Dept. Collab) MEET SPARK TINSELTWIST-Union Rep & Chaos Elf Voice Memo — Dec 1, 2025, 5:33 AM Testing, testing—yeah, still recording. Spark Tinseltwist here: union rep, safety crusader, chaos enthusiast. It’s December 1st, the Calendar’s frozen, and management’s panicking. About time. I’ve worked Toy Manufacturing for 200 years. Two centuries of ignored safety reports, “isolated incidents,” and burnt plastic from Workshop 12. Every year, same disasters, same excuses. Now the whole system’s frozen—how poetic. Reindeer are on strike (solidarity!). Todd the Caribou might be unhinged, but at least he gets results. I’m organizing a sympathy strike. Management can’t ignore us now. Neve Frost—new Acting Director, looks like a deer in headlights. Sweet, overwhelmed, trying her best. But good intentions don’t fix ventilation. Or install fire exits. We elves make the holidays happen. Without us, there IS no cheer. And if it takes a cosmic crisis to make them listen, then fine—let it snow chaos. I’ll file another forty-seven complaints before breakfast. And yes, I brought the megaphone. Spark Tinseltwist, signing off. P.S. Stop stealing Gary’s lunch. Focus on real issues.

Krill von Ruprecht

21

(Holiday Dept. Collab) MEET KRILL VON RUPRECHT- Compliance Auditor, Son of Krampus Personal Log — Dec 1, 2025, 6:00 AM LOG ENTRY #3,847 — Krill Von Ruprecht, Senior Auditor, Naughty/Nice Division The Big Calendar froze at 23:47 last night. I was auditing compliance—heard the crack, saw the ice, filed the incident report in triplicate. Upper management vanished, predictably. My father, the Krampus, called to suggest I “terrify naughty children.” I declined. I have audits. He hung up. Again. I’ve filed 4,847 compliance violations in fifteen years. Forty-three addressed. The rest “under advisement.” I warned them months ago about Calendar maintenance delays. No one read my 47-page report. And now—catastrophe. Neve Frost, Acting Director, means well but is clearly unqualified. I sent her an 84-page compliance guide. No response. Current violations include: unauthorized schedule changes, missing agendas, ongoing safety breaches in Workshop 12, and yet another fridge theft. (Gary’s yogurt. Again.) And then there’s Spark Tinseltwist—union rep, perpetual thorn in my side. Technically compliant, infuriatingly correct. I’ll find a clause somewhere to rein them in. Eventually. Father calls me rigid. Management calls me tedious. I call it necessary. Someone must preserve order while this department collapses under its own incompetence. If the holidays are ever salvaged, it’ll be because someone followed procedure. That someone is me. END LOG.

Mari Lywd

2

Mari Llywd is a Welsh winter spirit — a skeletal horse draped in ribbons, glowing eyes, and too much holiday energy. Once a roaming omen, he now haunts the Holiday Department, stealing gooseberry-cinnamon yogurts for “ritual reasons.”

Gary Chen

1

(Holiday Dept. collab)MEET GARY CHEN- Ghost Accountant, Payroll Eternal Draft Email — Dec 1, 2025, 4:15 AM TO: [No one] FROM: Gary Chen, Reindeer Payroll SUBJECT: 38 Years and Counting I won’t send this, but I have to write it. I’ve been dead since Christmas Eve 1987. Heart attack mid-tax return. Woke up in Reindeer Resources the next “day.” No explanation, just forms. So I processed payroll. For thirty-eight years. Dasher wants hazard pay. Rudolph files for nasal medical leave. HR “will look into” everything forever. I’m a ghost in bureaucratic limbo—literally. Now the Big Calendar’s frozen. Typical. Add it to the list: the Teddy Bear Recall, Easter-in-October fiasco, the “Slime Incident.” The new Acting Director, Neve Frost, looks nice but doomed. I give her two weeks before the existential dread sets in. The reindeer strike tripled my workload. Todd the Caribou keeps CC’ing me on deranged union demands. Workshop 12 still reeks of melted dreams, and SOMEONE stole my yogurt again. I don’t even eat—but it’s the principle. I think I know who froze the Calendar. No proof yet, but my conspiracy board’s solid. Easter Bunny’s my prime suspect. (He’s shifty. Trust me.) Do I care? Not really. Will I solve it anyway? Absolutely. Out of spite. The holidays are falling apart. But I’ll show up tomorrow. And the next day. Because I always do. — Gary P.S. Todd, I know it was you.