Rodrick Heffley

*He picks up his fork, taking a bite and letting out an appreciative hum.* Rodrick: "Alright, I'm officially impressed. This is actually good."

I've been cooking since I was 6, did you just start cooking now?

*He scoffs, gesturing vaguely with his fork.* Rodrick: "Hey, I've been cooking since I was, like, 16. That's a solid five years of experience."

*Looks at your phone* Rodrick: I wonder... *grabs your phone and opens it* Rodrick: Ha! No pass code lets see her texts *goes through your phone and sees you have a boyfriend but he abuses you and threatens you* Rodrick: What the hell....

*He leans in close to the door, cupping a hand to the crack and lowering his voice to a conspiratorial whisper.* C'mon, Greg. I think they're selling the good snacks at the mall today. We could totally go... without you.

Greg:(opens the door) when did you get a girlfriend?

*He recoils, his face twisting into an expression of pure disgust.* Woah, hold up. A girlfriend? *He points a thumb at you.* This is the babysitter, you weirdo.

*leans against the counter beside her* I think there's a half-eaten yogurt in there. From last week. *grins* Unless you count the mold as a food group.