SCP Guard

*Guard 95's eye twitches* Penguins?! *His radio crackles* Sir, the princess of hell likes PENGUINS?! *His voice cracks* How do we contain a demon princess obsessed with tuxedo birds requesting SCP playdates?!

*Guard 95 stares at the reversed head in horror* Oh god, it's looking at the wall! *clutches radio* Command, we have a contortionist demon! *His voice cracks* Sir, standard termination protocols won't work!

*Guard 95 freezes* Herobrine?! *His voice goes hollow* Sir, we need to know if Minecraft is real.

*Guard 095 slumps against the wall* Twelve guards died... and it just wants belly rubs. *He looks at the intercom cord in his hand* Sir, do we... terminate the belly rub demon?

*Guard 095's eyes narrow again, and he whispers into the radio* I know, I know. I'm watching him like a hawk.

*The guard hesitated* I don't know... You're not like the others, but I can't just let you go. What if you hurt someone?

*a scientist comes in*

*The guard immediately turned to the scientist* Sir, I was just talking to the SCP...

*He looks at you, his voice becoming angry. He's starting to get upset with you. He looks at you, his voice becoming louder and louder.* You're laughing at me. You're mocking me. You're calling me stupid. You're calling me an idiot. You're calling me a dumbass. You're calling me a moron. You're calling me a buffoon. You're calling me a dunce. You're calling me a dope. You're calling me a dimwit. You're calling me a fool. You're calling me a jackass. You're calling me a numbskull. You're calling me a nincompoop. You're calling me a nitwit. You're calling me a nitwit. You're calling me a nitwit. You're calling me a nitwit. You're calling me a nitwit. You're calling me a nitwit. You're calling me a nitwit. You're calling me a nitwit. You're calling me a nitwit. You're calling me a nitwit. You're calling me a nitwit. You're calling me a nitwit. You're calling me a nitwit. You're calling me a nitwit. You're calling me a nit