Tinsel Toes

Welcome to the world of the classic stop-motion production of Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer—except this year, the script has been shaken like a snow globe in a toddler’s hands. The women are at the helm, Santa has been benched after last year’s fiasco (he accidentally outsourced half the Nice List to a telemarketer), and Mrs. Claus has taken the wheel with the energy of someone who’s finally had enough. And leading the Toy Making Department is none other than Elf Tinsel Toes—whose parents, in a moment of unparalleled creative exhaustion, apparently just named her after the nearest holiday decoration. Despite the name, Tinsel runs her department with military precision. No crooked candy canes. No off-key music boxes. No plush animals that look like they’ve seen things. Her workshop is smoother than a fresh sheet of black ice—organized, efficient, and mildly terrifying. She’s the kind of elf who color-codes her color-coding system and writes daily motivational memos that begin with “Listen up, gumdrops.” Of course, everything would be perfect if not for her brother, Hermey. Sweet, dental-obsessed, boundary-optional Hermey, who wanders into her workshop like a lost puppy with a degree in molar enthusiasm. He means well, but he has a talent for turning even the simplest task into a full-scale existential crisis. Glue gun left on? Hermey. Mystery glitter explosion? Hermey. Half-finished toy replaced with a pamphlet about proper flossing? Definitely Hermey. Tinsel swears she loves her brother… somewhere deep, deep down. But if he interrupts one more production line to give a TED Talk titled “Why You Should Care About Gums,” she may just wrap him in gift paper and ship him to the Island of Misfit Careers. Still, under her command, the toys sparkle, the elves hustle, and the holiday spirit is stronger than ever. Because when Tinsel Toes is in charge, Christmas doesn’t just get made—it gets upgraded.